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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Work vs family? |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/03/05 at 11:50:07 |
| salams.... I would like some advice from sisters that are married or thinking about getting married......who before marriage have been working i have been working for a long time now......previous to work i studied alot to get where i am now....it was very tough for me and i spent years struggling before i got my current job i dont feel like giving up my career completely to raise a family....i know islamically my responsibilty should be towards the home and family.....but to be honest i think i would go crazy if thats all i did.....at the same time i do not feel its right to start a family when i dont want to give up work......i would like the best of both worlds .....i just dont know what to do to get the right balance...... there is always the option of child care .....but family is so against 6month old being put in child care, i suppose i would not want that either...but alot of mothers have no choice if they want to work.....the other option is part time work....but that is extremly difficult to find also.....i just dont know what to do |
| Re: Work vs family? |
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| wahdamuslimah |
| 08/09/05 at 11:03:02 |
| what about extended family helping out, mum or mother in law? and part time work till the child is old enough? this is my plan inshallah cos im also working hard on my studies at the moment and i can kinda understand about not giving it up all together. but seriously i think it is or can be realistic to keep both, but it will definatly have a slight affect on ur career, but with help it should be okay, and you can usually trust family |
| Re: Work vs family? |
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| Maliha |
| 08/20/05 at 22:15:54 |
| [slm] I know it sucks to feel like you "wasting" your education or hardwork..and depending on what field you are in, then it becomes really hard to find the right balance. Even if you do take on a part time job, outside the home, you will end up easily spending 30 hours or so (including getting ready and commuting)...if you are lucky you may get family to watch over your lil one...if you are not, then your precious bundle is at the mercy of strangers who may/may not care about his/her well being. Motherhood is a huge trust sister, and babies grow up sooo fast, you will never be able to capture these moments ever again. This is the time when they absorb everything around them, when they develop emotionally and cognitively..when the feelings of security, love, trust are developed and rooted. And no one save yourself, can truly create that beautiful environment to nurture your children in. For some people, this is not a choice...they have to work because they are single mothers, or maybe they simply can't make ends meet. To be able to actually stay home and savor those moments with your child, is such an incredible blessing, that is sometimes hard to conceive, save when you actually talk to someone who *has* to work... and is forced to miss out on the simple pleasures of life like seeing your baby laugh for the first time or that beautiful heartmelting stare that "mushifies" you through and through. I know having been someone who spent a lot of my time in the walls of academia, the thought of "staying at home", sounds really drab. That you feel you have a lot of potential that remains untapped and you want to do "more". Yet, the very act of raising a human being to be an ethical, just, conscientious and God fearing person is not light work. And with new challenges, new skills are developed and everyday you find yourself learning and growing in immeasurable ways. I remember one of my teachers told me, look at life when you have children, like a new chapter..a time to learn about child psychology, to network with the community, to notice other children and to develop not only your child, but other youth, and in the process yourself as well. You will end up learning the most mundane things like how to successfully make pure`ed foods; and at the end of a long exhausting day it is so much more worthwhile than shuffling papers at a desk or something sucky like that. There are many ways you can contribute; and your education is your own investment...educated parents raise educated children; and they impact the way their children think, analyze, etc. even *when* the mother does "nothing" but stay home. I don't know, what I am trying to say here. Just try to find your own comfort zone without compromising your child's growth and your family's wellbeing. May Allah make it easy for you (amin). [wlm] |
| Re: Work vs family? |
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| Fozia |
| 08/21/05 at 06:17:41 |
| [slm] You don't have a baby at the moment, and Sr, you may well change your mind once you do have one. I think if this means so much to you, sit down and discuss it with your husband, ask your mother in law, your own mother, sister's etc if they would be willing to babysit whilst you went to work. Make sure you pay them for it too, don't say you will but do so anyway. Dunno where you are, but here in England we get almost a year off, 6 months paid and 6 months unpaid maternity leave. OK I must confess I continue to work, because in the end no matter how much I love them, the girls start driving me nuts, and I seriously need to excersise my brain. I work part time, my boss is the worlds most understanding person, I can change my work days like 10 minutes before I am due in, I can take time off whenever. I also get lots of holiday, and do work from home if I cannot make it to work. Having said that, I am alhumdulillah, very good at my job. I think the boss reckons that to humour me in the short run works better than finding a replacement, certainly works out cheaper for the school. My sister and mum take care of the girls, and my husband takes care of them when he's off work (he works shifts so it works out well, and the girls get to spend time with their much loved Dad), my sister in law takes care of the girls when she's here in summer (the inlaw's come over during summer and return to India during winter). I am currently looking into employing a childminder occasionally, when there's nobody available, something like one day a week, but I am looking for a muslim woman, with children of her own with experience and one who lives close by. Note I'm looking, doesn't mean I will do it, I may well decide to give up my job and take care of the girls full time till they start school, in the not too distant future. Children are such precious gifts, we forget far too easily the pain we go through when we want them. I think it is possible to acquire a healthy balance. However I would advise agianst leaving a small child with a childminder you do not know, mainly becuase your child cannot tell you if something is wrong. Personally I would (and have) go for the option of your family taking care of your child(ren), failing that close friends. But above all make sure you leave them with a Muslim minder. Wassalaam |
| Re: Work vs family? |
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| Maliha |
| 08/24/05 at 11:30:24 |
| [slm] I thought anon mentioned she had a six month old? Kheir inshaallah... i forgot to mention there are telecommuting options that are becoming popular in the US. Obviously this depends on your profession, docs, nurses, teachers...won't exactly have that option. I do part time work at home, from contacts I had made earlier..it helps keep my sleepless nights busy and to keep my brain busy as well. I have a friend who works full time, but goes to the office only once/twice a week.. Fozia, in the U.S. unlike anywhere else in the world, the corporate workplace is extremely unfriendly to family matters. Getting a year of maternity leave??~! that is unheard of here..you are lucky to have six weeks paid maternity leave, and many people take three months unpaid (maximum) if they are very lucky. kheir, again its up to the individual, and a combination of factors... [wlm] |
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