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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/22/05 at 13:58:43 |
| asalaam alaykum How important do you think it is for a couple to have a similar education level? There is a guy who is interested in me but only has up to a high school education. I'm almost done with my bachelors and it kinda bothers me that our ways of thinking does vary a bit. I don't think he's stupid but it would make a difference in him if he went further with school. I know rizq is from Allah (swt) but it's a fact that, on the whole, ppl with a bachelors make more money than someone with just a high school diploma. Considering he will be financially responsible for the family in all, he should have something to fall back on. Yeah he makes a halal living, but his job is not exactly stable or admirable for that matter. He has good character, is practicing, and has the desire to learn more about Islam but I still think I’m a step ahead of him (as far as knowledge goes). I like him but I’m not crazy about his situation. Not sure if that’s enough to sustain a marriage. Is there anyone here with a similar problem that thinks a situation like this would be a problem in the future? |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| Aadhil |
| 08/22/05 at 14:06:39 |
| [slm] Is there anyway to check up on his financial history? It all depends on the experience and how stable he is financially. Has he even taken any college classes at all? It just depends on his situation. Take me for instance. The highest level of education I've had is a highschool diploma. On the otherhand i've taken quite a few college classes but never gotten a degree. Right now I have a pretty stable job on a five year contract (verbal anyway). So it all depends on experience, and mebbe education to some degree. Anyways I'd check his financial history, and if it is sound, then pray istikhara and go with your instincts. |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| georger |
| 08/22/05 at 18:15:58 |
| A higher education doesn't guarantee higher morals, nor does a high income and good credit rating equate to a person being good. There are criminals in the world who peddle drugs who have fantastic incomes but that doesn't make them worthy. What's his heart like? Good or tainted with something you are uncomfortable with? Could you actually see building a life with him? Meet his family, see what they are like. If only the smartest, wealthiest married, there would be no people on the earth. It actually sounds like you are judging him by his trappings, not by what is inside him. Remember the stock markets crash in 2001. Lots of good looking wealthy and highly educated people went to prison for their roles in corruption. Two income families are the norm here. If he is good and if you truly love him, if he truly loves you, be unafraid to support him if he needs your help. It will only strengthen you and the family. And if later he turns into a corrupt person or something, you will have had time to learn a trade and be more useful than others who are afraid to learn! |
| 08/22/05 at 18:21:54 |
| georger |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| Fozia |
| 08/22/05 at 18:36:35 |
| [slm] Dunno about just future income discrepencies. Would you two be able to live together well, would you have respect for him, or would the both of you have totally different outlooks on life?? Gotta say, my cousins all stopped education at GCSE (the absolute minimum you have to do), their outlook on life is so totally different from mine, I would be miserable being in their situation, they however are really happy. I guess what I am saying is think about it hard, speak to him, and do Istikahrah. My advice for what it's worth, is to look for a man who is similar to you in terms of background and education, because then at least you'll be on the same level intellectually and I think that is important. You will both have similar expectations otherwise you will be discontent. Wassalaam |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| Caraj |
| 08/22/05 at 19:41:48 |
| Sister, I know many people with degrees that don't have a lick of common sense and people with no high school diploma who are some of the smartest and wisest people I know. Examine the person not the level of education. If really means that much to you aleady then do the brother a favor and pass him by so he can find a wife who is looking at the deen, heart and mind and not the education or wallet. Sorry if I sound to harsh. My sons have only HS educations but make over $20 an hour and have A-1 credit, their wives drive in brand new cars and they both own their own homes. Nice ones over 2,400 sq ft. Not bad for mid 20's. ADDED later: Sister I got to thinking about this again and re read your post. If you already have issues and concerns no matter what they are I would think it is best to stay clear of marriage with this person. Reading your post, (to me anyway) you don't come across as having much respect for him already and you all aren't even engaged yet. Write a list of what you want in a husband in all aspects and pray and ask Allah to send you such a husband if it be his will. Most women prefer a husband they can look up to and respect and admire. It is normal. |
| 08/22/05 at 19:49:57 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| georger |
| 08/22/05 at 22:17:34 |
| [quote author=azizah link=board=madrasa;num=1124729923;start=0#4 date=08/22/05 at 19:41:48] Write a list of what you want in a husband in all aspects and pray and ask Allah to send you such a husband if it be his will. Most women prefer a husband they can look up to and respect and admire. It is normal. [/quote] THAT is SO beautiful! I will send this to someone I know who is in her own difficulty! I think this will inspire her! Thank you for writing it! |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| naqibah |
| 08/23/05 at 01:13:08 |
| Dearest Sis Azizah, That was simply beautiful! To put it miildly, of course. Yes, if you already have such doubts about the man, leave him alone, so that he will find someone, or that someone special will find him. I know it is a fact in life, that we need money to live, and better still to have a husband who can provide for us. But it saddens me when people put these things as the foremost thoughts. I'd go for someone's heart. And if we think that a piece of paper that says "degree" accounts for us being smart or not, that is something that we all should think about carefully. A degree, diploma or whathaveyou are just papers. Anyone, who wants to, can complete their tertiary education, because we are not that original anyway, what we learn in these universities can be learnt, can be memorized for the sake of passing an exam. But the heart - it's beauty lies in iman. Sincerity. Love. Compassion. Give me those qualities in a man, and I will give my heart to him in a heartbeat. The bottomline is, if you are already doubting his capability to support you, give him up, sister. I will make dua that you both find what you are looking for. |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| Amelia |
| 09/30/05 at 05:56:44 |
| My grandmother always said that you should never marry anyone who's less intelligent than you. It is sometimes the case that men feel that they should be intellectually superior to their partner, and a fragile ego can cause a lot of damage. Having said that, as someone above already mentioned, intelligence does not equal higher education... An interesting question! |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| thezman |
| 09/30/05 at 13:43:52 |
| [slm] ok, if he's not on your level academically that's one thing, but is he intelligent, with worldly knoewledge that is self taught? can he hold a conversation? there are 2 schools a person attends, the academic one and the school of life where you keep on learing something new as long as you live. if he's religious, has good morals and is intelligent that's great. I know many learned people that don't deserve to be called human beings. there are many factors that come into play that make us who we are. and just make salat istikhara and allah {swt} will give you the best advice, and as long as you have him on your side, you're in good shape. |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/30/05 at 20:14:25 |
| [slm] Does it matter if the man is a fisherman and the woman a PHD mathematical genius? ??? As long as they are good practicing Muslims, isn't that all that matters? Or is there more to the equation? ??? |
| Re: Marrying a man w/ less education? |
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| muslimah853 |
| 09/30/05 at 21:06:48 |
| [slm] I think it really depends. Obviously, for practicing Muslims, having a partner with good character, taqwa, and all that matter most. But beyond that, there are many other factors that go into the compatibility of two people, it really depends on the individuals involved. I know alot of brothers who are masha'allah excellent Muslims, wonderful people, doesn't mean that I'd want to be married to them. Nothing against them personally, they are sure to be right for someone else, just not me. There is nothing wrong with looking for a spouse who has taqwa, character, all that, *and* who has the other important qualities that matter to you, whatever they happen to be. Zaynab bint Jahsh, Allah be pleased with her, was a woman of taqwa. No doubt. She was married to Zayd, Allah be pleased with him, absolutely a man of taqwa. Yet their marriage failed. Apparently they were not right for each other. It happens to the best of people, some folks are just not made to be together. It doesn't mean that one or both of them have mixed up priorities or don't care about the things that count. That's not to say that people from dissimilar backgrounds in all cases are not compatible. It really depends, and no one can really answer that except for the individuals involved. To the sister who posed the question, I'd say you have to be honest with yourself, given what you know about yourself, what you are comfortable with, etc. If nothing about this brother or his situation ever changed, would you be okay with that? If the answer is no, then think long and hard before saying yes. Many times people are guilted into marriage. That's not enough to sustain you for a lifetime. It is not a personal insult to another person to say that he is not right for you. He might be a nice person, with great character, but maybe not your soulmate. Or maybe he is. Only you can answer that for sure. But don't let any guilt trip force you to say yes. That's not smart, and it's not fair to you or him. I wish you the best. |
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