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I need help Sisters
Yasin
09/10/05 at 01:22:40
[slm] Sisters

For last 28 years of my life,I was lonely(means dont know how to share something with someone..All my life i never share anyone in a room )

I 've been thinking what would be the marriage life?, and what sis really want from me ? I think getting a sister to marry is easy part(with the help of others, offcourse), but the most difficulty part is SHARING LIFE WITH SOMEONE.So, Sisters here its your question (I'll ask brothers later)


WHAT A WOMAN WANT?

Re: I need help Sisters
Caraj
09/10/05 at 02:21:50
hmmmm, I can think of a HUGE list brother.  ;D

Ok I'll keep it short.
A man she can look up to and respect.
Who can be a partner and friend.
Not a daddy or harsh dictator type.

A man who looks out for her best interest and is happy and proud of her.
Encourages her to be the best she can be in a gentle way.

A man who can listen and not try to fix everything,  :)
Women want a hug and an ahhhhhhhh
they don't want a man to tell them what they did wrong and
how to fix it.

Talk to your sisters, mother, aunties and such as ask advice.
Learn about hormones and times when a woman is not exactly
reasonable cause her hormones are going nuts  :-/

Remember not to get so comfortable that you relax with your
manors and personal hygiene. Many men can become real slobs
after being so angelic like to win the woman.

Both men and women need to try to make just as good of an impression 2 and 5 and 10 and 15 years down the road
as they did the first few months.

Best wishes brother
and ask them aunties and sisters and female cousins and your mum.
Most of all after asking......Listen
Re: I need help Sisters
Siham
09/10/05 at 16:00:35
Advice to Husbands
Shaikh Abdallah Adhami


By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Quranic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaska journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of God. Only God Almighty in His infinite power, boundless mercy, and great wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact God is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Quran," And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect"

But the human heart is not a static entity, it is very dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, and nurtured. Remember that our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outstripped him but later after she had gained some weight, he outstripped her. Remember that the Prophet took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances.

The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintecrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by God for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of God even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet used to extend his knee to his wife to help her ride her camel...

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and God is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with God will always result in having more peace at home. Remember that the Prophet gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives" Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for a few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said "I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring. The best example in this regard is the Prophet whose love to Khadija his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send parts of it to Khadija's friends and whenever he felt that the visitor on the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala"

I hope this helps in sha Allah.

[wlm]






09/10/05 at 16:03:42
Siham
Re: I need help Sisters
Fozia
09/10/05 at 17:25:23
[slm]

Someone put a link up to the 'Questions to ask a prospective partner' thread and the br. should get the picture.

Joking aside I should imagine a woman would like exactly that which a man would like from marriage.....
So answer me this, what would you like???


Wassalaam
Re: I need help Sisters
Kathy
09/10/05 at 22:29:29
[slm]

Woman want a rich man with one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel.... ;D

As far as I am concerned... if he is breathing.... its a plus....  ;D

Seriously....
If the man is a good Muslim and strong in his deen, follows Islam and not Hislam or Cultural Islam, everything else will fall into place. "Marry for relgion" is excellent advice.
Re: I need help Sisters
Siham
09/13/05 at 10:17:40
How to Be a Successful Husband

1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu 'anhunn. It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!

7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.

8. Don't be little her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu 'anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu 'anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah - azza wa jall - to make your marriage successful.

And Allah ta'ala knows best.

Re: I need help Sisters
Yasin
10/23/05 at 21:19:36
JazakumULLAH sisters, I would like to give specials thanks to

  :-)Azizah
 :-) Siham
  :-)fozia
 and our big sister  :-)KATHY...

 JazakumULLAH kheiraa...
Re: I need help Sisters
Kathy
10/24/05 at 11:34:54
[wlm]

Welll? Are you getting married? :)
Re: I need help Sisters
Siham
11/18/05 at 18:57:50
[quote author=Yasyn-ca link=board=sis;num=1126326161;start=0#0 date=09/10/05 at 01:22:40]WHAT A WOMAN WANT?[/quote]

[slm] Brother, women want happiness, they need to feel loved and appreciated -- its pretty that simply ;)

Anyways, here’s an article on "how to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

http://english.islamway.com/bindex.php?section=article&id=89

wassalaam.
11/18/05 at 18:58:19
Siham


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