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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| My path to Islam |
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| Carol |
| 10/01/05 at 11:12:47 |
| Assalaam aleikum, Thanks again for all of the warm welcomes to the community here. Kathy asked me to share how I found my path to Islam, and I apologize for taking so long to reply. It's been a rather hectic week here for me. I never knew anything about Islam at all until I went to college. I grew up in a very rural community that had absolutely no diversity at all. I had attended a variety of protestant churches on and off when I was younger, but it seemed like I always had questions that no one there could answer. They would always tell me, "Well, this is a mystery of faith," rather than give me an answer. I did not understand why there were so many versions of the Bible, either. Then when I went to college, for the first time I met a lot of people from different cultures and religions. Some of the students I met were Lebanese, and the more I got to know them, the more I learned about Islam. I was interested enough in learning more that I took a class on Islam at the university, but the instructor was a female Christian minister, and of course, this affected the perspective of the course. While she taught us some of the basics of the faith, she mainly compared it to Christianity, and pointed out many of the positive aspects of the faith, but at the same time, pointed out a number of things that she considered negatives, which I now know is not a true representation of true Islam. So I left the class knowing a little more about it but in a biased way. I admired and respected my friends' religion, but I was still very naive in my view of it. After college, I married a Catholic guy, and during the engagement, I had to go to classes to learn more about Catholicism in order to have the marriage recognized in the church. By the time I finished the classes, the priest did not like me. I had asked too many questions that he could not answer. Again, all I kept hearing was "this is a mystery of faith" when I asked about things that did not make sense to me in my heart. Later in my marriage, my husband asked me to try a different church with him as a compromise between our backgrounds, and so we became Lutherans. It was okay, and I really made an effort to fit in and belong there. I listened to the minister talk about verses from the bible each week, and give his interpretation of them, and often this was completely different than what I had learned at other churches before. How could the meaning have changed this much? He would explain that this was a new translation of the Bible, and this one was better. I found this confusing, and it started to bring back all of the old questions I had always had before. Then a series of difficult things happened in my life. I had three surgeries three years in a row, and then an injury to my cervical spine that left me without the use of one arm and unable to to move my head or neck for over three months. Then I found out that my chronically depressed husband wanted a divorce. I went to talk to the minister at church because I needed some guidance and help, and I said it must be God's will for me to face all these challenges and to change my life so drastically. The minister looked at me, and said God has nothing to do with what was happening to me. He said God gives us completely free will, and that anything that happens is just pure luck or chance, and there are very few miracles or interventions in the world by God. I sat there with a shocked look on my face. It affected me so deeply. This was not what I believed at all, and I could not be a part of a church that felt this way. I left, and never went back. I believed in God, and I prayed in the best way I knew how then. But I knew I was looking for something different in my heart, and Christianity was not giving me the answers that I needed. Then some of my Lebanese friends from college moved back to the states after being away for 17 years, and contacted me to renew our friendship. I looked at how their faith influenced their everyday lives in every way. I began talking more and more about it with them, and I decided to start studying Islam again, but in a much more serious way. I began to realize some very important things. The more I read, the more answers I began to find. I would talk to my friends, and ask for more and more referrals for good books to read, accurate websites to surf, and finally I asked for a good translation of the Qur'an to be recommended. During Ramadan in 2003, I decided I would read the translation of the Qur'an in its entirety during the month. I had only read parts of it before, and I had had a poor translation. This was a very deep experience for me, and it was not an easy one. I discovered how much it has in common with the Bible, but it was still very hard for me to let go of the things I had learned as a Christian. I knew if I accepted Islam, then it would not be an easy path for me at all. It would cause a separation between me and my family as well as my small community with its lack of diversity. I wanted to be 100% sure before I took any further steps. I decided I needed to study even harder, and ask even more questions. I knew all of last year that I was walking down the path that would lead me to becoming a Muslim, and I became more and more sure of this as I continued my studies. As last Ramadan approached, I decided I would fast according to the guidelines of Islam, and that I would read the Qur'an again during the month. Then at the end of the month, one of my friends invited me to travel to their city to join her and her family at their masjid for the Eid celebration after discussing it with their imam. It was the first time I watched the prayer being performed, and it was a very spiritual experience for me. I felt like a door was being opened in my heart. I knew that I was at the point where I needed to make my decision, and to take this step, but I was still struggling with the decision because I knew it was going to be very hard for me as a single woman living in a very small place without any support close by to me. I have to travel quite a distance to get to a masjid at all. So I let the excuse of bad winter weather keep me from taking the next step for a while. But during the winter, I kept studying, and talking by phone to my friends, and I really felt that I had made the decision in my heart. I just needed to say it out loud in front of witnesses. Finally in April this year, I picked up the phone one evening, and called my friends to tell them I was ready to come say the shahada. They were so happy, and told me to call the imam so he could speak with me and then make the arrangements. I answered all of his questions, and he was convinced that I had learned a lot, and was truly ready to say the shahada. My friends and all of their extended family came to the masjid to be my witnesses and support me. I said the shahada in English and Arabic, and then was surrounded by dozens of people welcoming me to Islam. I felt like I was finally home. It's not been easy in many ways. Try finding a place to pray in a very public workplace with some co-workers who think you are going to hell now, and think fasting is hurting me despite my insisting that it is not and why. Other co-workers don't know at all because when they find out, they will treat me with prejudice. Living with my parents' denial is not easy, either. They will not discuss it, but they are kind enough to provide me with alternative food at dinners with them. I have Muslim friends advising me to keep my faith quiet because they are concerned about my safety living alone and in a community not known for their acceptance of other faiths or backgrounds. I know the answer is to move to a larger community closer to the masjid, but this is a goal that I have to work toward because I cannot do it at this time. Despite the challenges, I am working very hard to increase my iman, and to be strong. I know I did not choose an easy path, but I know in my heart it is the right one, and I am so grateful that I did find it, and I know it is God's will for me. I joined this community because for a long time I have been visiting as a guest, and learning so many things, and I longed to have friends I could talk to for advice while I am still learning. Thank you for making me feel so welcome. Wassalaam, Carol |
| 10/01/05 at 14:52:26 |
| Carol |
| Re: My path to Islam |
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| Siham |
| 10/01/05 at 13:01:42 |
| Assalaamu Alaikum, Dearest Sister Carol, and Welcome.......... Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, honestly.... I couldn’t help it but to shed tears while reading your story -- again Jazaka Allah Kheir dear sis. May Allah SWT make this journey an easy one for you and grant you Al-Jannah insha’Allah ya rab! Wassalam. |
| 10/01/05 at 13:05:12 |
| Siham |
| Re: My path to Islam |
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| Halima |
| 10/01/05 at 17:37:59 |
| [slm] Sis Carol Beautiful, Maasha-Allah! Thank you for sharing and I admire your courage. May Allah continue to make you strong and help in every way, Ameen. I hope that this Ramadan will be more meaningful to you as a Muslim having tried before you reverted. [wlm] Halima |
| Re: My path to Islam |
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| chocolate |
| 10/02/05 at 21:39:35 |
| Like Sis. Halima, said, i too admire your courage, mash Allah! May Allah help you nd guide you. If you need anything, we're always here! :-* [] Alhamdulillah |
| Re: My path to Islam |
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| Caraj |
| 10/02/05 at 22:40:03 |
| Assalaam Allaikum Sister Carol Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful and I admire your courage also. It was quite encouraging to me, as I have not yet taken a formal shahada yet. I have spoken it in my heart and read it in arabic from the computer but never stood in front of anyone to say it. I also don't know how to properly pray yet, I do it all in English. I guess one would say I am still a baby in Islam. So again thank you for sharing your story it gave me encouragement to go seek out a Mosque to formally take the shahada. May Allah Bless you |
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