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Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!

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Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
jannah
10/04/05 at 09:57:16
slm,

Please post your diaries in this thread.

(You can sign up in the sign-up thread and write comments in the comments thread.)

Remember to keep them reflective and less of a time table. We would love to hear about your community and how you all practice Ramadan in general and your reflections!!

You can read last year's diaries and see how other people wrote them to get some examples if you are not sure what to write!!:)

Thanks for signing up and can't wait to read your thoughts!!
10/04/05 at 09:58:13
jannah
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
ummnajmah
10/05/05 at 10:14:34
[slm]Maybe I should start, I never did sign up loolz coz I did not want to commit myself first without really being sure I could do it. So hey I'll just gate crush or is it cut the line and post my Ramadhan experience for the 1st time since I became a member on this board.

Monday Evening:

My husband and I are wondering is Ramdhan tomorrow or Wednesday? We do not want to miss it so, he decided he'll head up to the masjid for Isha salah to see what our muslim community is doing. Usually for Isha, he does not encounter alot of bros but he knows with Ramadhan coming, alot of the muslims will be there seeking answers just as he is.

I make salah at home and wait to hear from him. When he returns it seems it will be like last year some are going to fast with Saudi and some are waiting for ISNA. It is said at the masjid that Saudi has seen the moon. So I ask him his decision. He tells me about the hadith of the man during Rasulallah's( Peace Be Upon Him)  time who spotted the moon while in the desert and Rasulallah said to go ahead and fast based upon his word( i.e the man).
So I guess we will go with Saudi. Then he tells me that it is encouraged to fast with your community when it spots the moon. Hmmm..Now should we go with our Community when they are still awaiting the word? I scratch my head and said thanks that really clarifies the matter loolz. ::)

In short he decides to start on wednesday and I decide to start on Tuesday with my in laws...loolz just like the whole community we are both torn! :D ::)

Tuesday:

I set my clock to wake up a little earlier for suhoor. I wake him up for salah and I take time to read a little Quran.

Later on as the day went by , I remark that I have not seen him having breakfast or lunch and he says, am fasting with you loolz.

For my 1st day of fasting, I feel suprisingly calm and happy. Today, my husband is home on his day off from work and pretty soon the day hits him a little hard, he says coz he did not wake up for Suhoor. The day quickly passes and while am making Iftar, he calls his friends to see if they fasted too. They tell him negative, they are starting on Wednesday loolz.

My best friend calls and we start having a discussion on what time to break the fast. Between us two , we have three different times loolz.

She goes to the same website as I do to get information but we both have diff times. How I wonder? She tells me she used standard time, and I must have used ISNA to determine time for salah, loolz there are 3 diff ways or is it 4 on the same website to calculate your time for salah.  >:( ???

In the end, we decide to do it the old fashioned way. My face peers out of the window to see if the sun is setting, my husband is convinced it is but am not so sure, it looks mighty bright over there in the horizon. Loolz.

Finally, am convinced the sun has set and it's time to break our fasts. Alhamdulillah, our 1st day of fasting has ended well while others prepare to start their very own 1st.

After Isha, I call my family in my home country and my mother tells me that they will start today( wednesday). Apparently, they had an eclipse on Monday over there, they had a hard time spotting the moon.

I long for the good old days as a kid when Ramadhan and Eid were certain.

In my small muslim communtiy here, we have community dinners on the weekends alhamdulillah. It's great you get to see many sisters who usually do not come to the masjid often.

Ramadhan for me as a kid was quite special. I grew up around a hugely muslim communty and although we had neighbours who were non-muslim, we all respected each other. During Ramadhan, you can hear Taraweeh prayers at night via speakers, coz our home is close to the masjid. Freinds and family would share food, you would always be sent to so and so's home to take a dish and on the way you would encounter a kid from that household coming over to your home to also deliver a dish.loolz. :D

It always seemed that people were kinder during Ramadhan. The masjids would have muslims cooking food for those who could not afford to have iftar and welcomed them all. They would be overflowing with dates..loolz you can never have enough dates in your home during Ramadhan!

I remember my mother waking us up for suhoor. I also remember her waking me up when she woke up to make the night prayer by the noise of the running water while making wudhu.I truly miss those days , but I find that Ramadhan is truly a special time for all muslims regardless of the location.There is a sense of calmness and tranquility.Wishing you all a good Ramadhan, please make the most of it.

:-) UmmNajmah

May Allah(SWT) accept all out fasts! Amin.
10/05/05 at 10:34:05
ummnajmah
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
tq
10/08/05 at 00:10:29
Assalamo elikuim

Today is my turn to write about my ramadan :)

We started our fast on Wednesday( following the ISNA). I woke up around 5 am and prayed just 4 rakats before waking my son and husband (Hopefully some day I will wake up a little earlier and will do more than 4)
My son wanted pancakes(with chocolate chips :)) and milk but I made him eat egg also(I wanted him to have some protiens also) My husband ate just oatmeal and I had egg and a slice of bread and cereal( actually this cereal is a subsitute for pahnia(sp) :) ). My older son has decided to do his homework after suhor since we have 1 1/2 hour before I drop him to school. I tried to read Quran (It is only 3 of ramadan and I am already behind my schedule.) I coudnt complete a juz since my son wanted some help in his homework. Woke up my other son and my daughter was up and making noises(she is 6 months old and has recently learned the art of making noises :) ) .  
This ramadan I have planned to do all the sunnahs and nafil prayer also. I remember a time( way before I got kids) when it was pretty normal for me to pray all the sunnahs and nafil, then it became just fard adn sunnah and then sometimes just fard. But Alhamdullah this ramadan I started back(I hope it stays the same after also :) )
Today was jummah so after feeding my Zainab mashed squash, me and her went to jummah. Today the khutba was about how we should take this opportunity of ramadan to improve our taqwa. Alhmadullah Zainab didnt make any noises though she was awake.
My two older kids came back from school around 3. Older one said that he will do his homework after suhor since he was very tierd, so only kid#2 had to do his homework. We did our asr.
For Iftar my kids told me what they would like to eat, and they wanted potato pakora, fruit chat( salad), cholay( chik peas) and ofcourse chocolate chip cookies :) (Over the weekend we have planned to bake brownies (ofcourse not from the scratch but betty crocker)). The older one made fruit salad, the second one set the table and I rest of the things plus fed Zainab  banana and afterwards gave her a bath(which she loves and which was much needed :) ) .
Usually we go to masjid for iftar on weekends. My husband came back from work just in time for Iftar. After maghrib and iftar we had to have our tea(tetley ofcourse nothing less stronger :)).
Before ramadan started I wasnt sure about going for taraweeh. I love going for taraweeh at our masjid. The qirat is beautiful and the atmosphere is great. I didnt wanted to take my baby and distrub others. For the first taraweeh I decided to take the risk, taraweeh started at 8:15, so aroudn 7 I feed my baby adn then gave her a bath so that she could sleep through it . Alhamdullah she did sleep through the taraweeh. The next day we were told that even if the babies are sleeping, kids under 6 are not allowed at taraweeh time. I was a little disappointed but didnt wanted to distrub others also. One sister told me that there is another room in the masjid where we can hear the Shaikh and where I and other mothers can pray with our kids. The room was great but since lots of kids were there it was a pretty noisy but still better than no taraweeh. We usually have a break after four rakat i.e. half the juz. During break time I was thinking if from next day should I come or should I stay at home and pray there. What happened that many kids left after the break and it was so quiet in that room as if we were praying in the main masjid,Alhamdullah.

Today when I went for taraweeh in that room, no body was there and my daughter was playing with her rattle and I prayed without  any interuptions. I know for those of you who dont have any kids yet it is not a big deal but, mothers, I am sure you know what I mean.  So, Alhamdullah I prayed my taraweeh in the masjid following the Shaikh and with  my little Zainab sleeping and playing. I think she also likes the recitation because when she is awake she jsut listen :)

A llittle while ago we came back from masjid, actually my husband stayed at the masjid as some of his friends were there and me and kids came back. My older kids are playing with my little one :) and ofcourse whenever I get time I log on to this board :)

Well this is how we usually spend our ramadan here in Philly :)

Wasalam
10/08/05 at 00:15:48
tq
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
gift
10/10/05 at 06:03:12
[slm]

Sorry about the delay - no internet access over the weekend.

Thurs 6th October ( and 3rd Ramadan for me)

I arrive at the mosque early for Tarawih prayers and the Imam is giving a talk about the role of Muslim women in our ummah.  He talks about the pious women of the past, and then about the burdensome conditions parents place on proposed suitors for their daughters such that many girls are now tempted by dating etc.  Subhanallah the Imam says that many parents have such stringent conditions that brothers wouldn’t be able to meet them until they were 40 :o

Then, he begins talking about the wife’s rights over her husband and the husband’s rights on the wife and about how there will be many women in the hellfire.  

On a lighter note, a sister sat next to me who I’ve seen in the mosque for the last few years, but have never spoken to – mashallah I found out that she is a dentist as well as other stuff about her.  It’s so nice to graduate from the shy wave, smile and salaam to talking to a new person and getting to know them.

We do our twenty rak’ahs quite fast in this mosque so there isn’t as much time to make sujood as one could wish for, but this is the closest mosque I can get to after work.  I also see our mosque’s resident ‘aunty’.  She is in her late 60’s/early 70’s and comes every year  8)– I have so much respect for her, she’s also really good at the keeping the noisy kids and chattering teenagers in line (I think she terrifies them!! ;)).


Friday 7th October (4th Ramadan)

I wake up the same time as Mum and we set the breakfast table together.  There’s a comforting rhythm to it as we work our way around the kitchen into the lounge and back again.  My brother stumbles down the stairs bleary eyed and sits hunched on the table, he’s almost asleep zzzzzz before I nudge him with his breakfast.  He and mum are having croissants, while my Dad and I eat cereal.  My sister will inshallah eat later.

I manage to read my witr before Fajr.  I wait for Fajr time, read the prayer and then read about ¾’s of a juz’.  I manage to get about an hour’s sleep before I have to go to work (which I’m late for as the buses are late and there’s traffic and thank goodness it’s Friday ::))

Ever since I started work it’s been difficult not to pray the jumuah prayer – I was used to doing it in congregation at university, but now I can’t get to the nearest mosque and back in my lunch break.  It’s a shame but inshallah I can leave on time in the evening and be home in time to make iftar with the rest of the family.


I walk down the high street during my lunch hour, starting the hunt for Eid gifts nice and early so that I can buy them as soon as possible and get on with the rest of Ramadan; otherwise knowing me there’ll be this nagging feeling in the back of my mind until I buy them!  There are so many food shops on my way (many of them halal); my stomach rumbles at the lovely smells which is good because it makes me walk faster to get back to the office and pray Zuhr salah.  I find a colleague/friend’s office is empty and pray in there – I’ve pretty much worked out which direction the qibla is in all around the building.  I think my colleagues are also used to walking in on me :D,  They usually back out of the room saying 'I'm sorry' really loudly  :D.   When I tell them I’m just off to pray their response is invariably ‘say one for me too’!


I’ve been running around the office like a headless chicken this afternoon and should be thirsty (I’m the person who drinks water like a fish on a normal day!!!) but I’m not.  Remember to be thankful that Allah subhana wa ta’ala has made my fast easy for me.  

Also get the opportunity to talk to a Catholic colleague about Ramadan and what is entailed in our fasting.  Hear from another colleague about the way Hindus fast on ‘Karvachowt’ – women do it for their husband’s to wish them a long life!  And there are other days which they also fast.  Yet a third colleague tells me how Jews fast for 24 hours for Yom Kippur.  Again gets me thinking about the similarities and differences between us, and the Qur’anic message that Islam came to complete what was sent to man before.

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur and I can’t get out of the office until 6.20pm  >:( – so I break my fast on the bus on the way home and have to join Maghrib and Isha.  I have a bag of crushed Tuc biscuits and a bottle of water that I managed to fill at the water cooler at work before leaving.  No samosas for me tonight :'(

I am so late home that I have to read tarawih at home – it’s strange as it’s the first day of Ramadan that I haven’t gone to the mosque (although there is a certain khusoo’ to praying at home it doesn’t quite compare to that of the mosque).  Go to bed somewhat grumpy hoping next week at work will be a little less hectic!


10/10/05 at 09:44:25
gift
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
salaampeaceshalom
10/10/05 at 17:02:48
Assalaamu alaikum,

Ok, I had decided to try something different for my entry and I thought I would write about *where* I would like to do ramadhaan…However, then the earthquake in Pakistan happened and I thought it’d be wrong of me not to write about my ramadhaan day as I was actually meant to write an entry on the day the catastrophe happened (Oct 8th). Btw, alhumdulilah bro timbuktu and sis JustOne that you are ok.

After suhoor and praying, I’d slowly drifted off to asleep again, though I hadn’t really thought I would actually be able to sleep.  When I got up later and finally went downstairs eventually, I passed my mum and she shouted out after me that something terrible had happened in Pakistan and there was so much damage and stuff.  I just assumed she was referring to a bomb having gone off, the sort of thing that we’d been seeing in the news of the sunnis and shias in Pakistan attacking each other not so long ago.  She then told me that a horrific earthquake had occurred.

I was surprised I guess, because I really hadn’t thought she’d been talking about a natural disaster.  I went in to quickly see the news and let the initial reports wash over me, shocked, but then I went back to my usual business soon afterwards, not really paying much attention to what I’d heard and seen.

I had some stuff to do so I went out and got as many of the things I could get done on my list.  Whilst out, I bumped in to an old friend who I’d lost touch with when we’d both moved away to different places years ago.  At first it took us awhile to recognise each other, and we kept stealing looks, until at last she shouted my name out and I in turn shouted out “It IS you!”

As we started catching up, I learnt she was now a qualified fitness instructor, which made me somewhat ecstatic.  She’s hoping to start classes after ramadhaan and is looking for other Muslimahs to attend them.  She’s also some type of martial arts expert and wants to start teaching that too.  Where I am currently staying, this is the first time a female Muslim instructor is going to be teaching such classes, and you have no idea how much this area needs it.  I’ve basically stopped going to the gym because I’m the only person there fully covered, and yes, I can’t cope with the staring yet :p.  Since then, I’ve actually pretty much stopped exercising and have got pretty mad at myself for doing so.  So you can understand how happy she made me :).  She told me that she had purposely chosen to become a fitness instructor because she knew of too many sisters like me and wanted to help the Muslimahs get back on track (literllay ;)), and where they wouldn’t have to worry about being in mixed classes or fully covered.

I spent iftar with my fiancé and his family, which was pretty good, and him and myself mainly discussed the joys of house-hunting ;) and which things to buy for our future place (I was actually quite excited because I’ve seen many cute things that I wanna buy!).  

Anyway…Sometime later, I sat down and watched the news reports with my Mum on the earthquake.  Ma’sha’Allaah my Mum has been very affected by the news and can’t stop watching the t.v.  I don’t know if she was like this when the tsunami happened because I wasn’t here with her at that time, but I don’t think I’ve seen her like this before in a very long time.

I think finally it got to me.  I have a feeling I have subconsciously built up barriers so that certain things won’t affect me so much now.  And when I finally sat down to watch the reports properly, those barriers came crashing down, just like the buildings did in Kashmir and places.  

I prayed at home, and grief at people’s losses and the tragedy that had unfolded took ahold of me, and I cried and I cried and I cried.  I cried for the mothers and fathers who had lost their dahlings, I cried for the dahlings who lost their mothers and fathers.

…I was in Malaysia when the tsunami happened and some of my other foreign friends were with me too, including my Indonesian friends and one of my Sri Lankan friends.  I didn’t really watch t.v. initially whilst I was there and so it was only when I began receiving frantic phone calls, texts, etc from my fiancé, family and friends, wanting to know if we were ok, that some of us had a clue what had happened.  We then found our friends who come from the areas that were hit by the tsunami and started finding out if their families were ok.  Some of our friends were near hysteria as we began to realise the magnitude and severity of the tsunami and that some people were not able to reach their friends and family.  Those of us who came from countries that weren’t affected, started the job of trying to comfort people, but we all felt at a loss because we had no idea what anybodies fate had been.  We stayed with friends during the night as they cried, as they prayed, as they worried, as they made plans to go back to their respective countries.  Over the next few days we realised that some friends had lost some friends to the tsunami and their ENTIRE families, and for a few, some of their family members were still missing.

I then signed up to go help out in some of the areas in Malaysia that had been affected, mainly in Penang and a few villages.  I will never in my life forget what I witnessed and what I heard.  So many so-called professionals in the medical field broke down and wept at what we came across.  And I think that is when I built up my barriers.  I numbed myself from the most severe pain and cut myself off emotionally as much as I could.  There are some things I can’t shake out of my head, like the mother for instance, who had to choose between which of her little daughters to save when the waves came, as they were both at a distance from her.  She chose one, ran to grab her and took her to some rocks, and when she turned around to run back for her other daughter…she’d already been swept away.  This lady had fallen in to depression and had become suicidal, blaming herself for the death of her daughter, as she had had to choose between the two.  I pray to Allaah that I will never have to make such a choice.

Nor will I forget the father, who lost e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-le o-n-e of his many children, and nor will I forget in the horrific way his youngest daughter died in his arms.  I will never lose the memory of how overwhelmed I was by his pain and grief that I couldn’t lift my head, look him in the eye or even speak.  I sat in silence, feeling something so deep that I found it impossible to do anything, I couldn’t even offer him some words of condolence, though I so desperately wanted to, and words seemed so useless like they have never done so as before.  I will never forget the kind look on his face when I finally had to leave to go see someone else, that all I could do was nod, give a small smile, and thank him for letting me be there with him.  I have never felt SO SO SO humbled by another’s pain.  This man subhanAllaah was so amazing, that even though I couldn’t do anything, he appreciated me simply being there, and especially because I was a ‘foreigner’, he was touched I had wanted to help.  Even now my heart aches for him.

Nor will I forget, when a week later we turned up at a beach resort and the national guard was getting ready to enter the sea for one last time.  One of the guards told us that eight children were still missing but they had given up hope of finding them alive.  If they did not find a single body today, they were going to stop the search altogether.  One even told us something else that he feared which made me sick, and I felt chilled to the bone as I watched them go off in their boat.  There are too many other stories like the ones that I have already mentioned which will never leave me.

THIS is why it took awhile for the devastating effects of the Pakistan/Kashmir earthquake to really hit me.  But when it did hit me, I cried for all the people who are hurting, who are at a loss, and are so desperately in need of aide.  I made du^aa and still am continuing to do so for all the people who have been affected by this earthquake, as well as for all those who suffered so much due to the tsunami, and even now their suffering still continues.  And I pray for all the Muslims the world over who are simply and purely suffering, be it due to war, a natural disaster or some other calamity, and those very quiet people who slip in to the back of our minds, as they suffer in silence and do not proclaim their pain to the world.  May Allaah ease all of your suffering.

Ameen.
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
timbuktu
10/11/05 at 07:08:11
[slm]

Sorry for the delay. The net was out the night of 9th, and all of yesterday (10th).

This Ramadan would be different, I thought.

I have very little time left :(

There is this Frenchman, much above 80, who became a Muslim a year or two ago, and he is so anxious to gain hasanaat, he literally runs at every opportunity to get merits for the sake of Allah.

And me?

Born a Muslim, avoided most obligations at the flimsiest of reasons, flirted with atheism and agnostism, and came back to learn some of the deen, only to be caught up in the hustle and bustle of this world again.

Every Ramadan I promise myself this time it would be different: I will read the Quran with meanings and tafseer, I will say all my prayers with jama`a, I will not waste any time in useless pursuits or in laziness, I will be courteous and friendly and helpful and forgiving, I will give ample to charity, I will keep all days of fasts, I will eat and drink less and do more ibadah, I will help my wife in household chores and not find fault with her cooking :)

But at the end of every Ramadan the balance sheet shows no improvement. How can it be different this time, especially when picking up the Quran or things with a deeni content, I feel I cannot read it properly? Especially when my attention span is now so short I always forget what I am praying, how many rakaats I have prayed?

On the night of the 3rd, I visited the tarpaulin masjid that has been built by our retired professor. As was done last year, a place has been cordoned off and reserved for women. At least two females turned up for Maghrib, when we were to find out if taraweeh will be offered that night. No moon, so no taraweeh. Timings set for Maghrib at 10 minutes (later changed to 15 minutes) after Maghrib adhan. `Isha set at 07:30 pm, and taraweeh at 07:45 pm.

So Ramadan fasting started here on Thursday, 5th October.

The difference this time is that we have a proper Qari and Hafidh, who doesn't rush through the taraweeh, although he has speeded up the recitation from his normal speed. If  (a very big IF, where I am involved) one is attentive, one can understand what is being recited. This is an improvement.

How can I gain from this Ramadan?

Only with Alah’s help. La Hawla wa la quwwata illa billah

This time we have a new member of the house, my daughter-in-law.

I ask her if she is willing to learn the Arabic of the Quran with me. I explain that now I am unable to do a few things on my own. I need a driver to take me around. I need someone to go for a walk with me. I need someone to help sort out my papers, and I need someone to learn the deen with.

She is willing, so I took out my volume of “Miftahul Quran”, published by http://www.quranclub.org/

They have a few pages on the net, to and their method looks attractive. So we read the first lesson between Asr and Maghrib on the 5th of October.

It tells us about the kinds of words in use in Arabic: Ism (Name), F`ale (Verb) and Harf (preposition?)

Then it talks about alaamaat which modify the word (Name, Verb)

We learn about the Arabic equivalent of “The” (al) and “A”, (tanween). These alaamaat are for Names.

So far so good.  Some examples of each type of word follow. I set my DiL the home work of writing out each word on a line, with their meanings. Most should be easy, as many words in Urdu are derived from Arabic, and the alphabet is similar.

On the next day, some of that homework has been done. I look at it, and add or correct some, and we move on to the next lesson, which is about different alamaat using the letter “ta”.

This is getting difficult, but the use of different colors should make it better to follow.

Maybe this Ramadan will be better after all.

I will post two pages from the quranclub website in the appropriate section (madrassa, I think).

Improvement in my treatment of people?

Not much different, I am afraid. I still leave it to my wife to do the chores.

I don’t feel very charitable these days. Even when they have permanent jobs that pay more than in other setups, they are always asking for money or your worldly possessions. So, here is one more fault of mine that I don’t feel like rectifying.

If I cannot read (or take the trouble to read), I can at least listen to the Quran, but I advance the excuse that since I don’t have a pair of speakers for my computer, I cannot listen to it. My wife points out that I have a headset, to which I reply that I don’t have a computer table, and the seat height makes my neck ache. So she points out again that I can sit on the sofa, and listen.

I try it. One of those who performed the Hajj with us, has downloaded many Ka`aba and Masjide Nabawi pictures from the net, and recorded these on a CD with the Quran in the voice of Sudais and Shuraim, and presented me with a copy. Incidentally, this is a marvelous collction, and I wish there were a way to share it. My net connection has been dodgy, to put it mildly.

So I listen to this recitation, but have only covered a third of Surah Baqarah. Perhaps if I had the speakers, I could listen while lying down.


These thoughts are overshadowed by the disaster that has struck the Northern part of the South Asian sub-continent on Saturday Oct 8th.

It was a series of huge jolts, the house swayed to and fro, violently, and with amplitude never before experienced by me. So I told everyone to get out. MiL has to use a walker, and she is slow, and everyone wants to be the last to get out. So it takes time for the house to be emptied of humans. The whole street is outside.

After a long wait, we come back inside. I decide to go make a survey. As I go out there is a lot of dust. I ask where has it come from. “Margalla Towers has collapsed”, someone says. I don’t think it is true as the Towers are still standing before my eyes. It doesn’t occur to me that there are many other blocks of the same Tower that are hidden from my view. I think a small wall may have given way, or else the jolts may have raised up a sandstorm.

The son goes out of the house for his job.

We are watching geo.tv, and it tells of the collapse of the Towers. Then the cable blanks out. My DiL starts up the net, and news filters through.

Oct 9th: The jolts continued in the night, and haven’t ended as of today.

I have given initial updates in my thread, now titles pls pray for the affectees of the quake, in the Ummah Community Centre. but with every passing hour, the news gets worse. Infrastructure has gone: hospitals, schools, residences, all buried in mud and landslides - thousands of schoolchildren among them; nearly 20,000 confirmed deaths so far. Expected to rise to 40-50,000.

This morning (Sunday) after Fajr I decided to walk to the Towers. Got quite close. They have removed some heavy concrete slabs from the side, and have been digging holes and getting at the bodies and the injured. It had rained in the night, and there was mud puddles and pebbles that got between my slippers and feet. Very uncomfortable, but nothing compared to what the people are experiencing. Went to the masjid near the collapsed Towers, and washed my feet; then came back to see some more, and met JO’s parents. Shared sorrow.

Son’s ex-Dean has perished with his family in the Margalla Towers collapse. He has just gone out for the janaza.

Cable TV is back. The net is working, slow as usual. Sometimes I am able to post, sometimes I cannot even log out. Geo.tv is on, and it is providing updates and interviews. The rescue work is continuing round the clock. It sounds slow, but there is no other way.

There is a police cordon around our area. People are allowed to get out, but non-relevant people not allowed in. I went out; then was refused entry on coming back, but on telling the police that I have no other road to get to my house, and the number of my street, I was allowed in. It is all for a good cause, as traffic hampers evacuation of the injured to the hospitals.

News gets worse with time. The estimates are being revised upwards as confirmation of casualties and whole villages being wiped out come in.

We have been so lucky, so many times, alHamdulillah, but these too were normal people, leading normal lives. One moment they might have been asleep. On getting up they would have done their tasks. Their thoughts would have been on their ownership or residence in this posh Tower, on paying the mortgage, on advancement in their careers, and the next moment …

That settles it. I am going to ask for leave to do I`tikaaf in the final `ashra of Ramadan. Sure, staying within the world is Jihad and that is what we are here for, but the world has been on top far too long.

What is in the heart that counts. How do we get that love of Allah (swt) and the prophet, [saw], how do we ensure revulsion from all things forbidden to us, how does one’s heart bend to Allah in love and gratefulness?

And why do disasters happen?

There are spiritual reasons, and physical reasons.

When there is zulm; when justice is denied; then these things happen. No matter that most casualties are innocents.

Are they? I have learnt that even very low persons on the social scale do zulm to those still lower. For example, the peon in an office would be beating his wife and children.

Not just peons, but also officers high up in the social ladder.

There is another kind of zulm.

What is the physical reason for the collapse of the Towers?

Substandard material, and bad workmanship, they now say.

Someone shortchanged the owners and the occupiers of thesa flats - probably most in the chain. The architect, the engineer, the contractor, the building authority, the skilled labor, the material suppliers, …

And this is what I want the Ummah to realize. We are not doing our job properly. We are all guilty of zulm.
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
AbuAyesha
10/13/05 at 19:30:02
AsalamAlekum
Firstly - Apologies if I’ve got my timing wrong for this post – I was meant to do Oct 12th  but I did not see the posts from the people that were on the list before me
…but what the heck here’s some reflections of Ramadan some diary moments from today ish..

My phone alarm ringadingdings and I stumble around as quickly as I can – hoping Ayesha doesn’t wake up. My wife is usually up -  putting something scrumptious together for suhoor but today it looks like I've got the lead. We don’t have too long so we have cornflakes and while we crunch away – I feel embarrassed at feeling so tired.

I planned to go back to sleep after Fajr so I don’t drink the coffee that I want ? I don’t know if that’s a good or bad decision but I just go with it.
There are a few Masjids where I live. I guess you could say there’s a few of everything around here – but that makes me happy. Living in East London has some great benefits for Muslims, but unlike some of the communities I’ve seen around the world people have adopted as you might expect a very british reserved way of behaving sometimes - and there isn’t the kind of togetherness and strong community feel you get in small towns or places where there’s only a few Muslims.

Its dark and I walk down the road looking for our car – its raining a light drizzle.
I see a few Algerian brothers walking down towards a different Masjid to where I’m going and I start thinking about how amazing it would have been in the days of  the Prophet{pbuh} in Makkah or Madinah at the time of Fajr salat.
Sahabah walking down through all the different routes towards the harem.
Things have changed in so many negative ways for us since then I think – nationalism - fighting etc etc  
But then I smile knowing the Quran is the same as then And Allah swt blessings are still on us all -- because we made it through the year and are blessed with Ramadan again!  
…I see our Car and I’m off.

Driving in London can be literally painful but at this time of day it’s brilliant!
As I fly down the narrow roads and down through the high street I smile at the fruit and vegetable stall holders setting up their wares in the glistening wetness under twinkly fairy lights. I smile none of that grub for me -   …til later.

Imam Saleem leads the Jamat and its brill!
I feel blessed – I feel alive – this is the only way being a slave - being a servant can feel so absolutely brilliant.
I thank Allah swt for making me a Muslim. I beg him to forgive me for all my mistakes and shortcomings – I know I personally can never appreciate his blessings enough, my lowliness restricts me of glorifying him properly -had  it not been for the mercy he has bestowed on us– his sending us the words of the Quran and his beloved messenger Muhammad pbuh – with his guidance and sunnah - the ways to pray and the things to say.

I meet my younger brother outside the Masjid, he’s only recently started praying – and I feel excellent for him – What a blessed month !
Walking up the road back to the car I see another one of my brothers in the distance he’s older than me - well loved by all that know him - and good older brother who looked after us and guided us well …I smile.
How many thousands and thousands of ways my Lord has blessed me.

I turn the key softly – I don’t wanna disturb them
And I curl up back to sleep -

ZZZ  I’m asleep – I think its now light outside –
Whack whack on my face…
I open one of my eyes to register Ayesha  - my 9month daughter
Whack again ad she’s say “Daa” smiling at me having got my attention.
The day begins again.

I’m soon sadly out of the house wishing today could have been a playday with Ayesha
As I drive I do some Zikr / tasbih
Being me .. I try to do some calculations in my head of the rewards and hasanah multiplying how much extra it works out to in this blessed month.
Bad plan - Lets face it  I’m rubbish at maths and Allah’s swt blessings are just too endless.

My workday goes fast.
I don’t remember much of it
I guess that’s what this life will be like one day – just a blur of events and happenings past.
And then it registers… I really have to slow this month down some how. It’s going too fast!!

I take some time out and phone one of my other brothers who is in Pakistan for Ramadan. He tells me again of the pain and suffering and the collapse of lives. I feel sad for our brothers and sisters there. I pray to Allah swt to bless and forgive all the Muslims throughout all time – everywhere.

Coming home in the evenings is the best feeling in the world now because of Ayesha I smile when I come in through the door calling to her  “booobooo” she comes superduperfast crawling to me smiling her beautiful smile - Alhumdulilah
This is our first daughter and she’s very beautiful MashaAllah
Alhumdulilah she went with us on Umrah this summer and took part in it all {in my arms of course}Similarly although she’s not fasting – I know she’s on board with us this Ramadan.
…She gives full concentration at times like Maghrib and Eesha and in line with fasting seems considerably more difficult to feed during the day; unlike normal – so my wife tells me.
I pray she becomes a pillar for this Ummah - all so to please our lord, Allah swt


I pray Ramadan is full of blessing and reward for you and your families
Let us remember all the brothers and sister across the world who are in difficulties.
Let us give and pray to the best we can and inspire one another to good deeds to please Allah swt. Let us use this month to become stronger in Islam
















Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
AbuAyesha
10/13/05 at 19:49:25

oops - I ended that all a bit too quickly but I wanted to add a final bit for you

I recently read a beautiful hadith with a very good rewarding Zikr for after Fajr..

It is recommended for a Muslim to be constantly reciting Dhikr in its authentically reported forms. Juwayriyah (a mother of the faithful) narrated that: ....the Messenger of Allaah PBUH went out of her apartment after performing Fajr prayer while she was making Tasbeeh (i.e. Subhaan Allaah etc.) then came back after performing Duhaa supererogatory prayer and still found her sitting. He then said, “Are you still in the same position in which I left you?” She answered, “Yes.” He said, “Since I left you I have said four statements three times; if weighed against all that you have been saying today, it will outweigh it. They are....

“Subhana Allahi wa bihamdihi adada khal-qihi warida nafsihi wa zinata arshihi wamidada kalimatihi” (Muslim).  
=================================================

I hope you use this and have a brilliant Ramadan

Asallaam to all! - AbuAyesha

Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
sal
10/14/05 at 20:00:11
[slm]Asslamu allailkum and ramadan kareem
oK let me start from Suhur

Last night and almost all night are similar as we dont sleep before SUHUR .here most offices ,shops and malls are open all night so as one of them i do also work at nights till 3 am. Usually i like to cook atleast once a week either on thursday or friday .I like cooking for 2 reasons
1- to give my wife rest
2- the children like this

I came in home at 3:45 and my wife told me there are things already there to eat but to not  break my habbit i wanted to cook so the food was ready  in almost 45 minuts .The FAJER  AZAN is at 5 am and the food was ready at 4:40 . The food(spaghti in a special way ) was delicious  although the bad thing was that we were eating like if enemy is chasing us .It is funny they like it but after they finished they say" oh this is heavy  food for SUHUR"

It was the week end so i had a chance to sleep well till 11 am .I walked to the masjid not far from home but in this little distance one feels thursty due the the very hot weather
To be honest  here fasting is so easy as you can not see people eating or drinking .Even non muslems are not allowed to eat in public place and restautrants are closed .The atmosphere helps one so much to fast easily and without any hardship .It is only the first 1 hour of the day that i think one feels tired
After the friday prayers i came back home and spent with the children talking about the stories of the prophets and other religious talks .they ask and i answer some questions if i know the answer ,so it was interesting indeed
I took my 8 years old child to the masjid to pray aser .after the prayer was over we listend to a lecture by a good Alem then went out to buy some sweets etc

here after aser prayers you see everybody is like if there will be no food at all so they buy many things .you can see people buying food in addition to what is being cooked at home .this is the strange thing here .they buy but i dont think they can eat .if i take the example from myself
whilst we were back to home it was already maghrib azan .oh by the way here it is dangerous at this time of the day as you can see people driving very fast to reach home to break fast .i dont know why to take a risk to reach home fast
whilst  i was driving normaly to avoid any danger i had to stop in many traffic lights .we tried to eat some of what we had in my car but you find people giving you bottles of water, yoghurt, and date
I told the guy we dont need all these  but he did not wait and threw many things into the car .also  in the next traffic light the same  thing by different people
we reached home almost 10 minits after maghrib so i wanted to the masjid
in 5 minuts after the maghrib azan you can not see people and cars   in streets .you can say only 5%

Isha prayer is at 8:15 and taraweeh is at 8:30 .I preffer to be there early to be in the front lines ?you know why ?
The reason is the  other day while  we were praying the taraweeh the women upstairs were talking in a loud noise .so when you are the back you can not concentrate . I was surprised why SOME  women like talking too much in such circumstance . any way they were warned not to talk in the masjid during taraweeh so they are doing well now
The imam  mashallah  is  wondeful and i like his recitation so i had good taraweeh al hamdulilah as i do everyday
May allah give us more chance for more good deeds and gather us in the jannah al firdaws

Ameen

wa salam for now

Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
rkhan
10/15/05 at 15:44:46
Thursday, 13th October, 2005

"Wake up," I whisper to my son.
He looks frail, minus the bluster and boisterousness of the day, curled in his grey woollen pyjamas under a comforter, eyes half-open and little red blood vessels visible under his pale skin.

"my body is hurting me" he groans with the peculiar turn of phrase that he's developing lately, where he'll say "my tooth is hurting me" instead of "I have a toothache."
"Well, maybe if you do a little less karate chopping in the day and get more sleep and [u] eat [/u] food instead of playing with it," I begin.. only to realize that he's gone back to sleep.

This is the kid who'd been manfully fighting sleep late last night to make sure he didn't miss suhoor for his very first fast? He's sleeping like a baby now that it's time ...and short of physically lifting him out of bed (and waking the others in the process) there's no way I can get him to wake up.
So I let him sleep and move on to the other room, where my daughters and husband are eating.
"He didn't wake up?" they ask
"No.. maybe he can fast another day in shaa Allaah."

In the morning, all hell breaks loose.
He jumps out of bed with an accusing: "You didn't wake me!!"
'But I did! [i] You [/i] didn't wake up..now have your bath and breakfast and let's tackle all that homework."
He has determination written all over his stubborn square jaw.
"I'm not having breakfast..I'm fasting."
"You can't ..not like this…you have to get up and eat suhoor and make a niyah "
"I did. I made my niyah last night before sleeping that I'm fasting today."
Needless to say, there's nothing I can do about it.

A couple of hours later, he has homework sheets strewn all over the study and is watching his siblings eat.
"You sure you're fasting? You could keep a half-day fast you know, or a half-jaw one," I tell him.
"What's that?"
"Well, only one side of your mouth is allowed to eat," I explain
"chuh.. that's for babies..just keep my share of the fudge brownies for iftaar".

Mid-morning I get a call from an acquaintance who's invited us to iftaar, could I prepare a small presentation on the [i] fadeelat [/i] of Ramadhaan? Yes, technically I could; but just then it feels like short-notice…plus I wasn't really planning on going to the iftaar.
I planned on spending the day at home, to give my son special memories of his first fast. I remembered mine..dressing up in a green, glittery outfit made by my grandmother, followed by a shop-for-all-the-food-you-feel-you-can-eat fest , topped by the promise of post-iftaar pistachio ice cream at Monginis' ..can indulgences get better than that?

Today, I'm determined to find out.

First, the dress: a black thawb and black gold-edged bisht that we'd bought for a mere 10 riyaals from the market around the Haram in Madinah. Black sandals, a black imaamah (tied by my bemused husband) and a dab of 'itr..and we had the Kodak moment I wanted.

Next, the shopfest: "What do you want to have for iftaar...za'tar roll? blackforest pastry? chicken and cheese samosas? pizza? pecan icecream? guava nectar?" I reel off the names of all the things he likes to eat.
"I can't decide..let's go out and see," he says.

The[url=http://arabnews.com/page=1§ion=0&article=71683&d=14&m=10&y=2005&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom] anger hour [/url] is not a good time to venture out in this part of the world, but I convinced my husband to make an exception just this once…after all, this was a 'first'.

First stop: Al Jesr –our friendly neighbourhood monolith/superstore.
"Take whatever you want," I tell my son, handing him a baby-trolley as we walk down the aisle into the huge supermarket. It's teeming with customers who apparently have the same ideas as me.

It takes us a while to get to the bakery section and then some more pacing up and down while he chooses his favourite food…or tries to. I don't blame him for not being able to decide: there's such a surfeit of food and drink, a glut designed to bewilder even the most seasoned glutton; until s/he finally decides to take whatever the most memorable TV commercial said was best.

I notice the shop attendants sliding the doors half-shut to indicate that it's nearly closing time.

"Hurry up!" I look at him and see that he's grimacing.
"My stomach's hurting me.. I can't walk any more..I want to go home," he says.
He looks pale and his hand is cold, his pulse is racing because of all the walking, I think.
We put him in the trolley and wheel him back to the check-out counter.
I'm so worried he'll be sick.."breathe deep.. how're you feeling darling?" I ask
"Hungry" he says."Very hungry."

"Listen, it's nearly iftaar time, the day's nearly over..you can do your iftaar now. You mustn't fast in a way that hurts you," I tell him.
"If it's nearly over, then I'll wait.." he says, clutching his stomach and looking out of the car window.

At the traffic light, he sees the Afghaan store that sells foul-tamees –beans and thick bread consumed with dollops of cream/ghee – the unlikely Ramadhaan staple that leads to [url=http://arabnews.com/?page=1§ion=0&article=71570&d=12&m=10&y=2005&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom] food fights [/url], complete with knives.
"I want some foul-tamees"
I look at my husband who shakes his head, no way..it's nearly time for the adhaan and there's a whole crowd jostling out there.
"I'm so sorry darling, we can't get you that right now, there're so many people there and we'll miss the iftaar time. Later inshaaAllaah, okay?"

A teenaged boy peeps in through the car window and talks to my husband: assalaamu'alaykum! t'faddal yaa shaykh and hands us a few packages. That's enough, my husband says, we live right around the corner and before we reach our front-door, the adhaan starts.

"Say the duaa and eat the dates," I tell my son, unwrapping a package which has dates, a carton of pineapple juice, a bottle of mineral water, a cupcake and a cheese roll. He takes the date, has a bite and hands it to me, and sips the juice as we walk into the house. As I chew the date, I taste the sweetness of the giver's generosity and reflect on the "special memories" of the day.

Today I tasted the helplessness of feeling my child's hunger, and not being able to do anything about it. I tasted the bitterness of having to say no to something he wanted, a trivial thing that I wanted him to have, but could not give him. I felt, for a little while, what a million other people [i] [url=http://muslim-kidz.blogspot.com/2004/07/umma-is-there-something-to-eat.html] live[/url] [/i]. Feeling the pain of others personally…isn't  that what fasting is supposed to teach us?

I ask Allaah to forgive us our shortcomings and excesses.. ..May Allaah accept our fasts.


10/15/05 at 16:06:02
rkhan
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
Halima
10/16/05 at 08:17:22
[center][size="7"]BISMILLAHI RAHMANI RAHIM[/size][/center]

[center][size="7"]Ramadan 12, 1426 - October 16, 2005[/size][/center]

Controversy at the beginning of Ramadan has become the norm rather than the exception.  Kenyan Muslims started the fast on two different days.  Some fasted on the 4th because Saudi Arabia said so. Some fasted on the 5th after the Kenyan Chief Kadhi (or Qadi) gave the go ahead.  My household started it on the 5th.

But once the difference over the first day is over, the smiles, the happiness and the good gestures extended to each other among the Ummah makes you wonder if these are the same people who could not agree to start Ramadan together!!!  Everywhere, you hear the words: “Ramadan Karim”; “Ramadan Mubarak”; “Saum Maqbool”, followed by DUAs, said face to face, over the phone, text through cell phones, sent by e-mail, etc.  You see the RADIANCE on Muslim faces that makes you thank ALLAH for being a MUSLIM and giving this HOLY MONTH with its abundance of blessings to us.  ALHAMDU LILLAH.

At my place of work – UNICEF, we are 14 Muslims working here.  5 sisters and 9 brothers from varied nationalities.  Two sisters and a brother from Bangladesh, a brother from Mauritania, a brother from Lebanon, a brother from Sudan and the rest from Kenya.  Our busy schedules keep us focused on work but every chance we get; we ask each other how Ramadan is treating the other.  We don’t get early breaks from work for Ramadan.  Work starts at 08:00 a.m. and ends at 04:30 p.m. from Monday to Thursday and from 08:00 a.m. to 02:00 p.m. on Fridays.  By the time you wade through rush hour traffic to get home, it is either 05:30 p.m. or 06:00 p.m.  You either have one hour or a half an hour to spare before Iftar.  Or you arrive home as the Adhan (Azan) call for Maghrib prayer starts for breaking of the fast.  In my case, I have to pick my eldest son, Mahad, from school before heading home.

I keep a prayer mat in the office and a ‘kettle’ in the washroom.  Fajr prayer is of course conducted at home but the Duhur (Zuhur) and Asr (Asar) prayers are performed in the office.  Maghreb prayer at home.  Isha sometimes at home or the Masjid when I go for Taraweh prayers.

My residential area is surrounded by six Masjids.  You hear Adhan (Azan) for each prayer clearly and distinctively.  For Taraweh prayers, I have the option of going to whichever Masjid I choose.  Among the six Masjids, I like two very much and one in the City Centre which is the biggest Masjid in Nairobi known as Jamia Mosque.  In these 3 Masjids, Taraweh prayers are conducted in full, all the 23 rakats including Witr.  Each has a sisters’ section with lots of space.  I like open large spaces so praying here is always a pleasure.

The beauty of Taraweh is seeing the numbers of sisters who come to pray.  Some come with small children and some leave them at home.  Here, people can leave their kids with maids, relatives, neighbours, etc.  There is always someone willing to help.  But some people bring children who sometimes disrupt the prayers with noise.  This gets on the nerves of other people.  

On the positive side though, the beauty of seeing small/young girls dressed in hijab for prayers is a sight that will make you smile and say:  “Masha-Allah”.  Taraweh is really an exercise for those of us who lack exercise in our busy lives.  What with driving to and from work and just sitting or sleeping when we get home.  Everyone was complaining.  The first night of Taraweh was a hurdle for the knees which had especially become stiff.  Getting up from sujud was pure agony!  Now, it has become easy.

Sadaqa during Ramadan is something that makes Muslims give voluntarily.  In a Masjid opposite where I live, the amplifier for the microphone got spoiled.  The brothers praying there decided to contribute to buy a stronger one than the one the Masjid previously had.  One brother asked how much it would cost and he was told: Kenya Shillings 40,000.00 (USD 540.54).  He paid the whole amount for the new one himself.  Others brought dates till they were told to stop because there was more than the whole month of Ramadan required.  Others bring different dishes of food for the break of the fast for the Muslims praying there.  This is done in all Masjids in the city and the elsewhere in the country.

Ramadan fasting practice for kids starts as early as ten years old. My children started at this age.  This prepared them for when Ramadan becomes mandatory in their lives.  Haroun (my youngest son), fasted 4 previous Ramadans without missing a day.  He turned 15 on October 8, 2005, so this Ramadan is mandatory for him.  The fact that school is open does not faze them.  This year, Haroun’s birthday coincided with Ramadan.  So, I told him; Sorry baby, there is no birthday celebration this year for you. We actually don’t celebrate per se but they get their gifts, card and treats.

Time tables for Ramadan are printed and distributed by Muslims business everywhere in the country. Nairobi has many Muslims business hence Muslims collect these tables from Masjids, friends and relatives.  In actual sense, the timetable is not necessary because Masjids are almost everywhere in the city and all towns across the country.  Iqra Radio keeps Muslims abreast with all issues related to Islam in 4 languages; English, Kiswahili (or Swahili), Somali and Urdu.  Somali and Urdu have designated hours – one hour - for its listeners.  Kenya has 42 tribes and Muslims are found in each of these tribes.  Iqra Radio also designated an hour to its Kikuyu listeners during Ramadan.  The Daily Newspapers also carry the Ramadan timetable everyday.  One of the 6 local TV stations, the Kenya Television Network (KTN), which has the largest number of Muslims working for it, also shows the Ramadan timetable for the next days every night after the 9 p.m. news.  The Muslim brothers and sisters who are news anchors at this TV station always start their bulletin with:  Asalaam Alaikum Dear Listeners.  Note that the TV station is NOT Muslim owned and that Muslims are a minority in Kenya – 15%.  

When time for Eid nears, controversy will rear its head again.  And the Ummah will have different days for Eid too.  Again, the norm rather than the exception.

Ya Allah, accept our fast, forgive our sins, make our hearts kinder to each other and help us UNITE. AMEEN.

Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
Anonymous
10/17/05 at 15:55:47
Ramadan Diary




I wake up to the sound of someone shouting outside my
window.



"Ya Naa'im, Wahhid ad-Daa'im!!!¡¨



*boom* *boom* *boom*



This is a Damascus tradition -- for a man from the
neighborhood to walk through the nearby streets before
dawn, beating a drum, shouting for people to wake up
for suhoor and to prepare for a day of fasting.  My
first day of Ramadan in Damascus started in shock,
being quite frightened by this noise :), but by now,
the fifth or sixth day in, it's become a familiar
sound and I appreciate the man's efforts as I struggle
to shake the sleep from my system.



As my husband and I prepare and eat suhoor, we hear
adkhaar being amplified from the loudspeaker of a
nearby masjid, the masjid of Shaykh Ramadan Al-Bouti.
The masjid is just a short distance up the mountain
(Jabal Qasiyoon), a five minute walking distance from
our home, and we can hear the muezzin quite clearly.


InnAllah wa mala'eekatuhu yusalunaa 'ala nabiy; ya
ayyuhal latheena amanu, salu 'alayhi wa salamu
tasleema...

Allahumma salliy wa salim wa baarik 'ala sayyidina
Muhammad...


After suhoor and performing the salah, we both begin
to study.  We had begun our Arabic studies here in
Damascus about a month ago, and today was the final
exam of the first month-long term.  I looked over my
papers and as I tried to memorize the 'masdar' and the
'amr' form of various verbs, I could only think once
again about the enormous depth and breadth of this
language.  Sometimes in class I imagine myself in
front of a huge expanse of water; an ocean or sea that
extends so far out that the other side meets the
horizon; the water still and calm, exactly reflecting
the sky above.  How long would it take me to reach the
other side?  Can it be done?




We sleep a little before heading out to class.
Getting to school is an adventure at times.. You don't
"take" a bus in Damascus; you really have to "catch"
the bus :)  Microbuses (basically mini-vans that act
as buses here) zoom by every few minutes in the
direction you're seeking to go, and if you're not fast
enough and assertive enough to get in and find a seat
edged between others, you'll be left on the curb side
waiting for the next one to appear :)



My husband and I catch the "Diwar Shimaali"¨ towards
the University.  An old woman next to me takes a
masbaha from her purse and begins to slide the beads
through her fingers in a rhythmic manner, making the
most of the few minutes she has until she meets her
destination.  




I stare out the window, watching Damascus fly by;
taxis and cars zooming by in a hodgepodge of erratic
traffic; small shops just opening, selling fruits and
groceries and every manner of thing; people walking,
some women wearing 'manteaus' [blue button down
jilbabs which are the custom here] and high heels or
wearing stylish western clothes, denim skirts or pants
with hijabs tucked in to button-down shirts, or with
no hijab.



Sometimes I can't believe I'm here; this place of my
dreams, this place I've heard so much about and in
which I've placed so much expectation and hope.  This
is the place where I'm supposed to become a better
Muslim, draw closer to Allah, and be a true taalibat
ul 'ilm.  I absorb my surroundings and try to take it
all in.  



The exam goes okay.  I surprise myself, at how much
better I speak Arabic now than when I first arrived in
Syria (read: not at all :).  Being a beginning
student, a month of study brings my level of Arabic up
a huge amount.  I'm a bit comforted at this, thinking
that in a year perhaps it is possible to have some
grasp of the language, bi'idhnillah.




The University has many foreign students attending its
Arabic program, seeking to learn the language for
different purposes; some for missionary reasons,
others for business, and still others simply because
they are fascinated by the culture, or because a spark
had been lit in reading the Quran or speaking to
someone who was Muslim and Arabic speaking.  Because
of this, I am one of very few people in the program
who are Muslim, and further who wears the hijab, and I
often feel a bit out of place.  (Most students attend
an Islamic institute in Damascus, which I will most
likely begin attending in the coming months.)




A little bit before Maghrib time, we take a taxi to
the Old City and get off in front of Souq Hamadiyya.
Souq Hamadiyya is an enormous alleyway of sorts in
front of the Masjid that houses thousands of vendors
selling just about everything: spices, cloth and
textiles, clothing, souvenirs, metal work, statues,
dishes, books, etc, etc, etc.  It's enclosed by a
metal roof, that lets in light through small holes
caused by French gunfire during one of their attempts
at seizing control of the city.  Usually, walking
through the souq takes you back in time, with vendors
calling you to buy their wares and with crowds and
crowds of people walking to and fro.  We walk through
the souq now and find most of the shops closed: the
vendors are home in time to break their fast and eat
the evening meal with their families.  Most of the
shops are closed with metal shutters.  We make our way
to the end of the Souq, to Masjid al-Umawiyy.  The end
of the Souq opens up to the sky, and a huge piece of
an ancient entranceway stands before the Masjid.  This
is a relic from the ancient Roman Temple, the Temple
of Jupiter, which once stood on these grounds many
thousands of years ago.  It made way for a church,
which then became a Masjid when Damascus embraced
Islam.  This is one of many things in Damascus that
testifies to the age of this city.  Sometimes it's
beyond comprehension... once we visited a masjid near
our home for Isha and later found out that it was
built around 800 After Hijra!  




The Masjid is full, with many people sitting in the
courtyard in straight lines, waiting to break their
fast with dates, water, and food that is offered to
people every night in this month.  We join the lines
and watch as a group of men, all wearing matching
suits and red fezs, line up in the middle of the
courtyard before a camera crew.  The time for Maghrib
comes and they call adhaan in chorus like fashion,
which is broadcast throughout the country on the
national television station.  It is my first time
seeing something like this, which I thought was quite
interesting :)



 

The magnificence of the courtyard can only truly be
seen at night; when its walls glow from the gold
mosaics which once covered it in its entirety.  It is
a gorgeous sight.  We enter the masjid which is
expansive and beautiful.  This masjid places an
indescribable feeling inside of me: a feeling of
peace, of connection with the past, of quietness and
solemnity.  Even with people walking around and
tourists taking pictures, there is something about
this place which talks to the soul.  Perhaps it¡¦s
because I know that it was in this place that so many
noble people walked, and prostrated and called upon
Allah... people like Imam Ghazali, like Imam Nawawi,
like Ibn alQayyim al Jawziyya.  It is in this place
that I remember who walked in this city.. even the
likes of Abu Dhardah and Bilal, the companions of the
Prophet [saw], may Allah be pleased with them!  Maybe
they made duaa for this place to touch people¡¦s
hearts.




We leave the masjid and walk through some narrow
streets behind the masjid to enter a restaurant called
"Khawali".  It is opulent, with a fountain flowing in
the middle of the restaurant, and many floors
including a roof top patio.  We are seated on the
second floor and presented with the "Ramadan Special"
which included among many many dishes: kibbeh,
makloobeh, hummos, baba ganoush and for drinks soosa,
tamerhind, and some kind of apricot juice.  It was
delicious (a nice change of pace from the rushed meals
I usually put together after class) but was
over-priced for the student-of-knowledge budget :) and
there was way too much food for us to leave without a
guilty conscience.





We return to Masjid al Umawiyy to pray Isha and
Taraweeh.  The prayer is fast, leaving us feeling
unsatisfied.  My husband tells me later that he made
duaa for the masjid after the salah, that it returns
to its past splendor, as a spring of knowledge and
'ibadah.





Much of Damascus is like this: a site of past glory
and beauty, which now functions only to remind a
person of this great history.  





We return home in a taxi, the young driver playing
Arabic music, some blend of hip hop and pop as we race
through the streets.  I watch once again as Damascus
zooms by, this time at night, with the scatter of
lights on Mount Qasiyoon drawing nearer as we move
closer to home.  





May Allah illuminate this city, and make it radiate
with the brilliance of scholarship and new-found
devotion; may He make the cities that once pumped the
life blood of scholarship to our ummah revived again;
and may He illuminate the hearts of those students
who, in trekking on this journey towards Him, find
their way to these ancient lands hoping for a taste of
what once lived therein.




Ramadan Kareem, Ramadan Mubarak!



Wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.

http://www.jannah.org/board/attachments/damascus_collage2005.jpg
damascus_collage2005.jpg
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
thezman
10/18/05 at 22:11:49
  Bismillah

   [slm] and Ramadan kareem to all  :)
   'A Day in Ramadan'

Remember, too the holy month of fasting
Absorb the word of God like burning sand
Make yourself through prayer a single yearning
A single breath of faith, a single turning
Dawn to dusk a diamond in God's hand
A moment of pure faith is everlasting
Nor need one know aught else to understand...

I've started this personal tradition since 1995 where I always take my yearly 2 weeks vacation during the last 2 weeks of Ramadan. But this year alhamdulillah, I requested a full month from my job to rejuvenate my body and soul.

The first week of Ramadan is always rough for me, for I start getting severe headaches and feel exhausted until my mind and body can acclimate to this new state. So, writing about my experience in the latter half of the month was a good choice.

I'm usually a night person. I love the peace and quiet, and I try to contemplate about the days events. So, the weekend (the 14th, 15th and 16th) before I had to write this, I divided between home and the masjid. There are a lot more people attending prayer, iftar and itikaf on the weekends.

I wake up monday morning, and I checked on my mother, did some chores, cooked and got the 'worldly things' out of the way. Then I started reading qur'an and meditated in my room while the recorded soothing sounds of the rain forrest and waterfalls was quietly playing in the background. I continued with this relaxing act for a couple of hours and then went to the masjid to pray Zuhr and returned home.

Reason is no cause for revelation
A moment comes and goes; a word endures
More than sense must underlie sensation
A holy mind and heart such faith secures
Depend, then, on your fasting to awaken
A love of Allah easily forsaken
Nor is there mooring save where hunger moors.

I returned home after Zufr prayer, and gave my mother her daily medications and the two of us took a noonish nap, and masha allah, I had some wonderful dreams. I've noticed that when I'm very close to allah, He blesses me with dreams that come true, and when there is a gap between us, He ceases communication. I woke up so much at ease, and found my uncle and his family had finally come over to have iftar with us.

After the usual pleasantries, we prayed Asr and read some qur'an, then watched some religious shows on tv and awaited the Azan to be called and broke the fast on milk and dates. I always get extremely thirsty during Ramadan and never hungry, so when I just had the dates and milk and got up to walk away, all of the sudden these eyeballs shifted towards me, so I sat back down. I guess they thought I was being disrespectful, and was sending them a message to stop eating, but that wasn't it at all.

I see no need to stuff myself when I'm not hungry! after all we are supposed to give the food intake a rest during Ramadan and also to think about the poor and unfortunate.

I kinda have a theory that refrigerator sales sky-rocket during Ramadan, because I've seen some people eat like they were at a Viking Feast. They don't eat this way during the rest of the year...Oh well, whatever rocks their world...

After we finished eating, we prayed maghrib and the men got ready to go to masjid for taraweeh and the women stayed home to keep my mother company. The masjid wasn't as full as it was over the weekend, but alhamdulillah it was a sizable amount of people still.

We always get visiting Imams on loan from Al-Azhar University during Ramadan for Dawah, masha allah, they were good. the Imam had 2 brothers stand directly behind him to correct him if he made a mistake, because both memorized the entire quran.

It's a beautiful atmosphere during Ramadan, I get this feeling that I never experience during the rest of the year. and it's always great seeing people that you don't usually see during non-islamic events.

During the break from taraweeh, the masjids administrator's had begun a donation drive for the victims of that devastating earthquake in south asia, alhamdulillah, they collected a hefty amount. many sisters were donating their jewelry, what an amazing sight.

After taraweeh, people split up into groups reminiscing, or striking new friendships. the children were all over the place, and the masjid's bazaar was packed, I wasn't able to go in and search for books to buy. the parking lot took an hour and a half to finally empty.

After that my uncle collected his family and drove home, and I shared my experience at the masjid with my mother.

Righteousness remains the rock of faith
As what one does sustains what one believes
Mere hypocrites might pray, the Prophet  [saw] saith
Actions must be words the heart conceives.
Do then, what acts and rituals are due
As faith becomes a flame that feeds on you
No less than a fire consumes dry leaves.

Note: these poems were written by- Nicholas Gordon...

I hope you enjoyed my day in Ramadan...
[slm]
10/18/05 at 22:20:27
thezman
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
panjul
10/20/05 at 22:06:59
[slm]

I would like to start this thread off by apologizing. I think I missed my day, although I was keeping close watch. Mine was for Oct 20 and I got confused by the timings of US and here in Pakistan. I'm still confused. But I think I should write it now.

So day 16 of Ramadan...

I got sick. Really sick. I had a bad stomach ache and pain in my back. I had a bad heartburn. I couldn't eat anything. And no, I did not fast. In fact, I have fasted twice only, the first two days of Ramadan. I'm pregnant and It's been tough, although I really wanted to keep my fast, it's just not possible. So this Ramadan, I do not feel spiritual at all. It's just no Ramadan for me. I get up for sehri, but with a niya that  it's my breakfast. I don't usually partake of the iftar.


I havent' been able to go to taraweh. And I miss that, i miss it like a child misses it's mother. My work shift starts at the time of taraweh.

I got one positive thing accomplished. I convinced my husband to finally block all the channels on cable TV, except for the PTV, GEO, ARY, National Geographic, and a sports channel.

I guess they are so boring, no one really has been watching TV in the house during Ramadan anymore. :) Except to get update on the earthquake.  

Mostly I have noticed that in my family (relatives included) at least, and a couple of others, the main focus is on Eid from day one. Which I find offensive. But the earthquake happened, and now I dont think we will be celebrating eid the usual way.

And the days are busily spent cooking all day long. I tried to kindly advise them, to focus less on the cooking and more on ibaadat and spirituality, but my in-laws seemed to have taken offense. So I just kept quite after that. (My in-laws are quite nice people actually).

So there you go. The most borin Ramadan of my life, i'm sad to say.
My heart feels spiritually dead. :(







Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
SisterHania
10/22/05 at 14:04:33
Assalamu Alaykum

I decided to pick today as the day I write my Ramadan diary because it ties in with my half term vacation.

It’s been a difficult few months; I started teaching in a girl’s school where no ethnic minorities exist and I have found it difficult to develop a bond with the girls. Being in a non Muslim environment where the girls only think of underage sex, drinking and misbehaving can be emotionally draining and spiritually unfulfilling.  I had hoped that this Ramadan I’d be in a Muslim environment…...

Since it was the first day of my vacation I overslept because I slept in peace for the first time in months. As a result I did not wake up in time to eat anything! Allhamdulliah I woke up for Fajar then drifted off to sleep!

By 7.30am I forced myself to get up and out of the house, onto the train and to the Muslim Cultural Centre. A National Quran competition was being held and I was helping to organise it.   I was sitting at the entrance of the mosque welcoming the participants. MashaAllah some of the entrants just blew me away, there was a boy of 12 reciting the whole Quran and his voice and pronunciation was so beautiful the whole hall was reduced to tears. Unfortunately some of the children were petrified to participate because the judge was from Al-Azhar in Egypt and treated some of the children as thought they were in Egypt or Saudi and not the middle of suburbia.

By midday I was with some other sisters and we planned some activities for the holiday during Tarawee. While the parents prayed we would offer some activities for the children. Calligraphy was planned for Tuesday, I was going to do Wednesday and the children would write poetry about Ramadan.

As I was sitting at the entrance a brother asked me about the Quran competition then left. I didn’t know who he was until the other sisters informed he was in a nasheed group that sings about raps and was well known! I ran around the mosque and tried to find him, and asked him if he would help on Wednesday night and turn the children’s poetry into raps. Allhamdulliah he agreed and wanted to bring other members of his group! That felt wonderful.

By 5pm I left the mosque as I was supposed to meet a sister to go to an Islamic talk but I did not make it and set off home. Got home and broke my fast with some lovely rice. Yum.
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
nida
10/25/05 at 20:22:45
[color=maroon] So Much To Ask For[/color]

[slm],

[font=Bradley Hand ITC][size=3]Wow. More than half the Ramadan is gone. Only 10 more days left. Time flies. Everyday seems like a blink of an eye. That’s scary. What if whole life goes by in that way?

“What have I done this Ramadan?” I ask myself. I would like to believe that I have prayed long nights, recited much of the Qur’an and done similar deeds that would earn great rewards. But deep down inside I know that I haven’t met my goals for this Ramadan.

But still, I am satisfied with how much closer I have gotten to Allah(swt) in the past two years. Now that I look back, it has been such a drastic change. I would never have imagined that I would be where I am today. Someone once told me to recite this Dua and I have been doing it regularly. The part of the Dua is : “Ya Allah, O Turner of Hearts, keep my heart firm in obedience to you.”

I am interrupted from these thoughts by my sister who tells me that it is time for iftar. After I help set the table, I take my seat with a date and some carrot juice.
“I think we can break our fast now” says my mom and begins to read the Dua to herself. “Not Yet” I think to myself. I remember reading in a hadith that the Dua made by a fasting person before he/she breaks the fast is readily accepted. I have So Much to Ask For, I reflect. What if this opportunity doesn’t come again? What if, maybe, just maybe my Dua will be accepted at this precious time?

And I have So Much to Ask For. I stare at the food in front of me and tears start to gather in my eyes.
How can I ever be thankful to my Rabb who has given me so much? Whenever I was in a hard situation or I felt like no one in the world would care, there would be sudden Mercy that would just strengthen my Imaan.
I pray for my future-to get accepted into a good University, Inshallah.
I pray for my family and parents and I ask Allah to decrease their hardship and stress.
I beg Allah to forgive every single Believing person in this world.
And I also pray for a lot of other things  :)

For some reason, two of my teachers have been totally curious about Ramadan and fasting. When my friends and I told them the basic fasts, they understood so well. One of the teachers even postponed an activity (involving food) for all the classes so that we wouldn't have to be hungry while others ate. The other teacher,oh man, he is just too funny. He is totally clueless about religion and when i told him about fasting, he was amazed. He asked this other girl in class about her religion and she replied, "Oh i go to church on Sundays". And then my teacher replied "oooh ok so you are a Jew?"
Absolutely clueless, huh? I thought it was hilarious! Maybe I should give him a book about Islam. May Allah grant him Hidaya inshallah and guide him  to the straight path.

I prayed Tahajjud for the first time in my life yesterday. It was an awesome experience and I hope to pray it every night for the remaining 10 days. There was so much peace, tranquility—it was just perfect for focus and concentration in Salah. When I was in Sujood, I felt extremely near to Allah (swt) and felt the true essence of worship. I comprehended the sole purpose of creation: to worship Allah(swt)


May Allah(swt) accept all our good deeds in this month and May He forgive us all and grant us Jannah-tul-Firdaws from his infinite Mercy. Ameen. [/size][/font]
10/25/05 at 20:26:28
nida
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
Kathy
10/26/05 at 10:48:15
[slm]

I made a mistake.
Bah Humbug!

If you are reading my Ramadan reflections to get a spiritual uplift... exit out, it ain’t going to happen from my post.  I am writing this a week late because I had nothing to give to you.

Originally I picked the 18th because it was the anniversary of my divorce, many years ago.  I thought I would take the day to reflect on that marriage, the positives and the negatives and how it affected me as a Muslim.  The marriage was a very important time for me because it was the “polishing of the diamond time.” I was Muslim at the time, but not at the level I am today.  He had to put up with so many questions and struggles while at the same time his Islam needed a bit polishing too.  Alhumdullillah my present hubby got the brilliant diamond, (ok ok... there is some coal)  but I wonder if he could have handled me uncut.  I digress. Our marriage did not fall apart because of my Islam, but for other reasons out of my control.  I still vividly remember the day of the divorce, while other bad times have been forgotten.  So I thought I would reflect on my past and share some of my Ramadans that were meaningful as well as disappointing.

When the 18th arrived, I awoke with thoughts of my Ramadan reflections for this post.  Then life happened.  I was too busy the whole day.  Subhannah Allah, I wanted to sit back and reflect, sulk, and take the time to evaluate my life and Allah swt did not afford me this time.  So all I can say is MashAllah there had to be a reason.

So I have been thinking about what to post.  After reading all of the previous ones and re reading my past reflections I realized that there was just nothing to say this year.  I am in a Ramadan funk. I am not getting anything out of this Ramadan.  In fact I have been tested in the most bizarre ways I have never been tempted before. I fast, I pray, I cook and clean.  Then it hit me.  This was the problem.  I made a huge mistake and my selfish laziness was affecting my Ramadan.

Usually I am Ramadan Dynamo.  I do puppet shows for the public schools, lectures, planetarium shows about sighting t he moon, a dawah kids nite out, Lalayt’ul Qadr experience, you get the idea... I keep really busy.  This year I got burned out at the masjid.  Way too much stuff over the summer.  So I asked many people if they wanted to help with the Ramadan activities.  I decided I could not do it all myself and if they want these programs they needed to step up to the plate financially or physically.  Only two replied with a maybe.  So I sulked, said screw them and became the Grinch who Stole Christmas.

Nothing happened... bah Humbug.... Isn’t anyone noticing the programs are not going on?  Do they not care?  Two weeks into Ramadan and no one is asking why nothing is scheduled.  Maybe what I have been doing the last couple of years has been a waste of time.  Maybe it is all stupid
stuff.  Boy am I depressed.  It was affecting me.  Why?  I am not Super Kathy, I am not responsible for their kids.

Then it hit me, I was not focusing on it right.  I should do it to please Allah swt.  I wasn’t pleasing Him and my heart was hardening.  The programs are not for the kids.  It is for me.  I am the one who benefits from it.

I made a mistake this year.  Insha Allah I will live long enough for the Ramadan of 1427.
10/26/05 at 10:50:51
Kathy
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
lala
10/27/05 at 12:46:13
[slm]
22 Ramadan = Wed, Oct 26 -- Lala
This was my day to write about. Let me tell you however, this has been a very bad ramadan on my part. Here on the board- I joined in on listing ramadan resolutions, yet I haven't revisited them. So really, I have not lived up to my own expectations.

Yesterday just sort of went. It's been really busy at work - since the beginning of ramadan I have been bombarded with projects and requests at work.  I've been too busy to keep the hold. And when I do get home, all I want to do is break my fast, pray, eat, shower and sleep. I don’t want to think or do anything else. Perhaps I have a health problem or maybe it's just laziness. Laziness has always been my illness. And what a bad one it is.  I still managed to play volleyball this season though. I think I should have forgoed this season though. My competitiveness gets me all upset for no reason. It's not like we're playing to save the world or anything. But alas, now I've obligated myself. Don't get me wrong. I do love the game...

I did manage to get to the masjid a few times. I went to a community iftar at my neighborhood masjid - but was totally annoyed the entire time. Kids running around all over, spilling food all over the place, making mess, making noise. For those that know me- they know I cannot stand confusion, crowds and MESS! But I held it in. Afterall it is ramadan. I got through it okay. The food was 'okay'.

Then tarawih…why is it everyone pronounces it tarabi though? Anyhow, went to one the other day at  a westchester masjid. This masjid is in a 'has been' church. They bought the property years ago. Anyhow, prayers went well- does your imam forget parts of the quran while reciting as well? I’m sure its awfully hard to keep everything in order- so I'm in no way judging.  I felt slightly better that day-I guess noone is perfect.

But for some reason I think my heart is hard ? And I Even bought that purification of the heart book. This reminds me….. I've been reading this book throughout ramadan = to find that I have a lot of issues. Has anyone else encountered this?

Can't believe it's almost done.

Peace and love yall

Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
theOriginal
10/28/05 at 15:12:42
I cannot recollect the majority of this Ramadhan.  Three weeks have been completely erased from my memory.  I can easily blame this numbness on the earthquake and the sentiments this has stirred deep within me.  It’s hard to describe the sight of parents burying their children, children burying their parents, entire villages being wiped out of existence.  Stories upon stories, some of which are more difficult to digest than others.  I could easily blame the numbness on the earthquake, but this is Ramadhan, and I have to be completely honest with you, myself, and moreover, Allah (swt).  

I remember the first day of Ramadan.  The month sneaked up on me, despite the fact that Pakistan started two days after Saudi Arabia (we can speculate on why this happened, but I think a lengthy discussion on this would detract from the point of this diary).  

I can also vividly remember the 8th of October – the day the earthquake hit.  I remember eating suhoor ,praying Fajr, watching an Islamic program on TV, watching the Fajr prayers of Masjid al-Haraam on TV, chatting with my mom, falling asleep at around 8:30.  The earthquake hit half an hour after that (time recorded: 8:52 am).  I woke with no doubt in my mind that this was an earthquake, but I was more concerned with finding a chaddar to drape myself with before I ran out of the house.  Since I had no balance, no sense of feeling, blurred vision and since my mom was yelling at me to get out of the house – I gave up my search, and stumbled outside into our driveway, wishing secretly that I had slept with a burkah on (heh).  

What seemed like an eternity later, all of us were sitting on the ground in our garden, and the earth was still moving.  Quietly, angrily, but steadily.  The biggest surprise to me was being able to see the air on top of the earth quivering.  I could see it, and I could hear it, and that memory will be with me for the rest of my life.  

The entire day was filled with worry, sadness, relief, fear, shock, and confusion …amongst a multitude of other emotions.  Because of the continuous aftershocks, we had camped ourselves outside of the house where we listened to the radio, prayed and read Qur’an.  At one point, we had gone searching for our friends who had been in the collapsed building, only to find the roads jam-packed and the cellular lines completely congested.  So we returned in an attempt to subtract from the chaos, hoping for the best.  Alhamdulillah, they showed up at our place a few hours after the earthquake.  

I remember the hail storm that night.  It was loud.  And tremendous. It was also heartbreaking.  My heart bleeds for the people in the cold.  

There is so much more to say about that day, but this is a Ramadan diary, not an earthquake diary.  I just feel that my entry would have been incomplete without describing the event that changed the course of the entire month for me.  And as I sit here, typing all of this up, reflecting on what I accomplished in this month – I draw a blank.  In fact I draw a series of blanks, one for each day after 08-10-2005.  I have vague memories of my more charitable moments, even vaguer memories of standing at the morning assembly at school wondering why I am still here (at the school, on this earth .. why oh why?).  I remember endless discussions with family, friends, colleagues and students; watching the news and reading the paper; praying half-heartedly, distractedly.  The phone hasn’t stopped ringing since that fateful day.

And every inch of my body, mind, and soul is numb.  I just can’t conclude what purpose this Ramadan has served for me.  The earthquake hasn’t jolted the spirituality back into me, even though I consciously think it should have.  Am I more conscientious of death?  Am I more appreciative of life?  I honestly don’t know the answers to those questions.  

What I have realized is that I have changed.  I am saddened by the vast immorality in the world.  And I am saddened because I know that my views of what is immoral are not absolute, but relative to my narrow experiences.  I am saddened at the GEO news coverage of a reporter handing a mic to a boy caught in the rubble, asking him to explain his circumstance.  I am saddened at the interview of the little girl they rescued and dressed up in pretty clothes.  They asked her if she was happy that she was still alive.  She shook her head no, but replied “yes.”  Then she almost cried when she said “but I am not happy, because my mother is dead.” I am saddened by the flocks of people driving, walking, running towards Margalla Towers.  Not to help, mind you, but to gawk.  I am saddened by the looters, the kidnappers, and the liars who have been helped and not harmed by this tragedy.  I am frightened for the state of the world, for the death of the redemption of humanity.

And as I think back to what has always been redeeming about humans: the men and women who stepped up to the plate to dig through rubble with their own hands, to direct traffic without being asked to, to give up for their brothers and sisters in need – I can’t help but think that the gulf between me and the pious, between me and piety itself, continues to increase on a daily basis.  

I don’t know if that’s something I can overcome for the rest of my life.

The month is erased because I am lost in unnecessary and impractical contemplation.  And everything in my life seems really pointless right now.

Reading back on last year’s diary, I know that so many things in my life have changed.  The Fajr athaan of this day (Friday, October 28th, 2005), flashes the realization, that this is juma-tul-wida.  Ramadan has always been the guest of honor that I wait year round for.  I anticipate it’s coming, and I get really excited at its arrival.  This year I have ignored it thoroughly (preoccupied in my thoughts as I have been), and I can’t remember its stay too well.  I know it is leaving soon, and I have a lump in my throat as I think of its departure.  

The only thing I can do is embrace the rest of this month, pray that Allah lets me live another year, that He accepts my fasts, that He forgives me my negligence, that He keeps me shaded in His grace, that He doesn’t forget me as I struggle through these days, the He grants me the redeeming qualities that I crave, and that He keeps me on the siraat-ul-mustaqeem.  

If you’re still with me, thank you for reading.
Ramadhan: Meaning amidst the mundane...
Maliha
10/30/05 at 18:44:01
[slm]
Sorry Jannah I am soo gate crashing...but I didn't wanna sign up and then not deliver...soooo here goes nothing much...  :P

[color=black]
[i]
Ramadhan: Meaning amidst the Mundane...

"Sufyan baba NO!"
"OMG! Those are my books habiby!"
"Not the wire! Sufyan WAIIIIT!"

Invariably most of my Ramadhan has been spent hauling Sufyan away from the DVD-Book Shelf-Electric Plugs-Computer-Kitchen Floor-etc. This rapidly crawling baby, who has no interest whatsoever in his toys, has developed a very pragmatic route around my suddenly extremely tiny living room. Whenever I bring him back to the center of the living room for the infini-th time; he would make a direct beeline for the next prohibited item on the list.

I also tried to fast most of the days, despite the fact that I am nursing. It was much easier when I was pregnant, I barely felt the difference last year. This year, I feel like a kid, giving a whoop of joy when the Maghrib adhan is finally declared (through my handy Fajr clock) and I can finally enjoy a glass of much needed water.

I really feel out of it this Ramadhan.

I tried to host more Iftaars this year to make up for the fact that I just don't feel the "Ramadhan spirit", to no avail.

Normally Taraweeh's are my salvation; the tangible hours every night where you pray alongside your local community. I always look forward to listening to the mesmerising voice of the Qaris/recitors; and the eloquence of their duahs at the end. I always feel the overwhelming sense of belonging; standing there after a long day of fasting and increased consciousness; with fellow brothers and sisters; knowing we may be strangers by all means but somehow there is the thin thread of Imaan that runs across all of us. Understanding deep down that all my hopes, fears, expectations, dissapointments, are mirrored in every single heart beating to the rhythmic harmony of worship.

I went to one of the first Taraweeh's this year, taking all the necessary measures to clean-feed-comfort Sufyan before I left him with my mom. I felt amiss throughout the Salaat, like in my bones I could hear Sufyan screaming his heart out. Since I forgot to carry my cell phone, I finished the Salaat and rushed back home. My worn-out mom confirmed that indeed, he was crying non-stop for almost two hours. Needless to say, I got the lecture of "the woman's prayer is at home for a reason"; and from then on scrambled to pray at home whenever I wasn't too exhausted. Since his bed time has become a bit late, I would sleep with him, then try to wake up before Fajr and pray in the comforting solitude of the night. Sometimes, I would wake up groggy to find that I can barely make it for the compulsory Fajr prayer before the light of dawn finally breaks through the infinite veils of the night. I wake up on those fateful days, with a sinking sensation that I have missed something too sacred to articulate.

I don't mean to sound so wretchedly ungrateful; with so many people truly suffering around the world; I know I am incredibly blessed. It is just my first Ramadhan as a mother; and I know I have many more to come; considering the fact that I would like to have more children (Inshaallah). It is hard to conceive how women with multiple young children, actually find the time to *consistently* set aside to pray (extras), read, and reflect exclusively. I have found it to be hard for me to do so, and I only have one baby. Just one..

I take comfort in a precious sister's reminder that "the mundane becomes sacred when you do it for the Creator and Sustainer..." Amidst the constant diaper changing-baby feeding-comforting-entertaining-monitoring, and countless house-stuff routines that I go through everyday I am trying hard to keep afloat the mundane; and somehow still squeeze out meaning out of seemingly random moments...

I am trying to take something of this blessed month to incorporate into my routine year long. After all, Ramadhan is supposed to be the spiritual battle ground that helps us modify our behavior for the long haul. In my more ambitious times I would list pages of things I would like to accomplish for this post-Ramadhan year. For now, I will content myself with trying to stretch my day a little more...and enjoy this fleeting time I have with my soon-will-be-a-grown-up baby before I look back at this amazingly hectic time wistfully; wishing i had appreciated it while I could...

PS: it took me like six hours of stop and go before I could finish this...

[/i][/color] [wlm]
10/30/05 at 18:56:27
Maliha
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
Fozia
11/01/05 at 07:34:34
[slm]



Hmph Sr. Nur Al Layl knicked my spot!!!

However as I signed up, I will post my day. 30 October Ramadan 27.
For those of you suffering from insomnia read on, I am no match for Sr Nur Al Layl in eloquence.

I’m always the first one up, and once I’ve started the cooking, I wake my husband up, who in turn wakes up his nephew. It is a given that by the time the men come down, one (if we’re lucky) or both (if we’re not) the girls are awake too.
Today though is very disorientating, as the clocks have gone back and for a second I’m really shocked that we’ve missed Sehri, until my sleep befuddled mind clears enough for common sense to get through.
Sehri consists of leftovers from yesterdays Iftar and spiced tea. I have endless admiration for the sisters who wake up and cook fresh food, as I am definitely not one of them!


The day generally passes in a blur of chaos. Life mainly tends to revolve around the girls. The times of prayer are dots of calm in an otherwise insane maelstrom of non stop activity.

Our local masjid as yet does not cater for women; however we have an adhaan receiver in the house, so we can hear the adhaan and all talks given at our local masjid and several others in the local vicinity.
Most of the talks at the moment concern the earthquake, and last years Tsunami. There are volunteers affiliated to our masjid, who have gone out to both areas to carry out relief work. Those who attend the masjid are asked to give generously. Durign Ramadan at least people do.
I cannot bear to listen to or watch accounts of the earthquake. Motherhood has really made me sensitive, I cannot bear to see the picture of tiny little children who have been orphaned, and I cannot bear to hear accounts of parents bereft of their children.

During the evening, whilst I wait for my husband to return home, after I’ve put the girls to bed, I sit between the baby’s cot, and Fatima’s bed and pray, I like to sit in the twilight praying and reflecting. I have prayed many times for my own children, I prayed for them before they were born, I pray for the Muslims of the world (as I think most every Muslim must do). It is this kinship that I love most. Loving another purely for their Faith.

When I was really young, before I was married, an aunt once told me that when you have a child when you are experiencing labour pains, you should make duaa, because at this time your duaa is likely to be answered inshallah.

When I had Khadeeja Tul Kubra last year, I was resolute that I would pray for all the Muslims suffering affliction. There’s a point when in labour that the pain is so bad the only thing one can think about is how to stop it, I couldn’t have answered if you’d asked me my name and at that point I almost stopped praying for everyone and seriously considered just asking for me.
I once read that when the beloved Prophet (saw) was to leave this world he asked for the pain of the ummah to be given to him…his request was refused; we each shall bear our own burden.
I didn’t stop praying for my brother and sisters in Islam because I remembered this. And surely the pain of death will be a thousand times more? Plus remembering the words kept my mind away from the immediate issue of unbearable pain.
It is strange how life experience makes one more sympathetic to another’s sorrow.


I do not know whether I have achieved forgiveness during this month, I do not know whether I will see this month again.
I do know that my prayers are incomplete and my imperfections many.
However it is Allah’s beneficence his mercy in which I pin all my hope.

How do I end my day??? I manage to spectacularly throw my back out, and find I cannot move my right leg at all….pah old age…. However as I’m posting today you realise I can still sit..and type. Another visit to the doctors I suppose *sigh*



Wassalaam
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
Anonymous
11/01/05 at 15:46:53
Portrait of the Sa'im As a Young Khaleeji

I'm not really a Khaleeji (what Arabs call a citizen of one of the Middle-Eastern gulf
states), but I've lived here most of my life. I wanted to share what Ramdhan feels like in
one of the Gulf states (Kuwait to be specific). I can frankly say that the experience of
Ramdan in one of the Khaleeji countries is second to none. You just cannot experience the
same spirituality, disconnected-ness from the material world and a constant rememberance
of Allah and the Akhirah except here.

To start with, even before Ramdhan begins, you start hearing Ramdhan mentioned in all the
masajids, on the Radio and all local TV station. They make sure to remind you the basics
of fasting, the most common fiqhi issues (what breaks the fast, who shouldn't fast etc.)

Then on the night of the first day of Ramdhan Tarawihs begin and the entire country
starts fasting *on the same day*.

Alhamdlillah, after several years, I was fortunate enough to be in Kuwait for this
Ramdhan. As I lay awake thinking of the day that has just gone by, I feel really lucky to be
here and have so many avenues of Ibaadaat at my disposal. As sleep starts to set in, my
mind drifts off dreaming about the day's events in a Tarantino-esque 'back-in-time' way:

4 hours ago (6:30pm):
The call to Isha' prayer from multiple mosques in the vicinity reverberates in the air as
I'm relaxing after a hearty Arabic dinner (Kebabs, Sheesh Tawouk, Tabouli, all kinds of
Salad enough to make any palate salivate). Me and my friends hold a quick "Shoora" to
decide where we'll head for today's Tarawih. Will it be the young but melodic Sheikh
[url=http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/engblue/audio.php?page=souraview&qid=734&rid=1]Fahad Al Kandari [/url] with his brother Mohammed Al Kandari at the old masjid in Qortuba
or the heart-rending rendition of Sheikh [url=http://www.alafasy.com/index_page.php?page=index]Mishari Rashid Al Efasi[/url]
in the beautiful Masjid 'Rashid' that was completed just last Ramdan.
Or maybe we should try something new and drive down to the Masjid Al Kabeer
(Kuwait's largest masjid that is palatial in it's size) where they pray 20 Raka't of tarawih.

Even though most mosques in Kuwait will only pray 8 rak'aat of Tarawih, the Quran is
recited with such great Tajweed and Tarteel that they end up taking an hour to complete.

Subhanallah! The choices are endless for the conniseurs of tajweed. If it were for this
ni'ma alone, I would prefer to spend every Ramdan here in Kuwait. After Tarawih, one of
the brothers mentions that Kuwait has arguably the best Qari's at the moment (rivalled only
by Saudi).

6 hours ago (4:30pm):
Oh my God! I overslept. A 20-minute 'qailoola' turned into an hour long slumber and I am
late for my Iftar party with friends at the lebanease restaurant 'Mais Al Ghanem'. The
last time that I've been to this restaurant is before my departure to the US almost 10
years ago. How time flies. As I am headed to the restaurant in a hurry, I hear a sickly
jarring noise coming from the right side of the car and it's not long before I realize that I
have a flat. I'm late for Iftaar and I have a flat... can it get any worse? Yes... my
spare tire got busted two weeks earlier in a freak accident. I dejectedly call in my friend
to tell him of the pickle that I'm in and that I can't make it to the Iftaar. He, in
turn, calls up a tow-truck company to tow my car. Any other month I would have lost hope and
ditched my plans for the day but, alhamdlillah, this is the month of Mercy. No sooner has
my friend called the tow-truck that I see it headed down my way. The speed with which the
truck driver loads my car onto the truck, gets it to the garage and repairs my wheels is
simply dazzling. I guess he is in a hurry to get back to his family to partake of the
iftaar feast they must have prepared for him :) Alhamdlillah I make such good time, that I
able to catch my friends in the restaurant. Let me tell you that I will not trade the joys
of breaking fast with a close group of friends with anything in the world. Mash'allah
these brother are friends in the true sense of the word. We come from a variety of different
countries (India, Kuwait, Lebanon, Syria) and have nothing more in common than all being
Muslims. The call to Isha' prayer from multiple mosques in the vicinity reverberates in
the air as I'm relaxing after a hearty Arabic dinner ...

Half a day ago (8am):
I wake up at 8am to get to work by 9. I work in a government-sector job that has really
short office hours in Ramadan (just 9am-1:30pm). As I get in to work, I greet my
co-workers and can see several people reading the Quran in their cubes. This is not an unusual
sight here and instead of the usual browsing in their free time, you'll often see people
with the Quran. Zuhr salat is at the mosque that is a stone's throw from work. There's
literally a masjid around every corner in Kuwait and that leaves one with no excuse not to
pray all five prayers with the congregation in the mosque. Most Kuwaitis are pretty well-off
and they usually build a masjid on behalf of a loved one who has passed away (as 'Sadaqa
Jaariya'). Unfortunately since office hours are so short, not much can be done by the way
of work during Ramadan. Time flies by quick after Zuhr and it's already time to leave. I
get back home, pray Asr and, since I'll be going to Iftaar with friends at a local
lebanese restaurant, I want to catch some quick shut-eye so that I don't feel (too) sleepy
during Tarawih :)

Fajr - 5am:
I'm really tired from the beautiful Qiyaam prayer last night and want to get home quick.
But the Imam has other plans as he decides to read some pretty lengthy verses in each
rak'ah for Fajr ;) The idea behind reading long rakaat is to let late-comers make it to the
prayer since some of the residential buildings are a little further away from the masjid.

Qiyaam - 12:30am:
Prophetic tradition narrates that there is a high probability that 'Laylatul Qadr' (the
night of Power) falls on one of the odd nights of Ramadan. So here's a question for you:
if Laylatul Qadr falls on one of the odd nights, then how come we search for it on the
even nights of the last 10 days as well? Well, as I recently found out, its because of the
uncertainty of the start of Ramadan. If the 'Hilaal' (moon-sighting) was incorrect, and we
started Ramdaan a day late (or a day early), then the actual odd nights of Ramadan, may
actually be the even nights for us! (I hope that made sense)

The night prayers are one of the most spectacular features of Ramdaan in Kuwait. Qiyaam,
or 'Jiyaam' as Kuwaitis like to say it since Kuwaitis change 'Qaf' to 'Ja' in colloquial
Arabic, start on the 20th night of Ramdaan. Most mosques start Qiyaam at 12:30 and go
upto an hour before Fajr (around 3am). As with Tarawih, you have the choice of which masjid
to attend.

This year I decided to attend Qiyaam prayer in the [url=http://www.freekuwait.com/mosque/] 'Grand Mosque' [/url] (or Masjid Al Kabeer).
This mosque is a feat of architecture and is really palatial in its dimensions. Although the prayer
starts at 12:30am, I aim to get to the mosque by 12:00am since I've heard that the mosque
gets packed really quick. As we near the masjid, I'm astonished at the size of the
traffic and the mass of humanity moving in the direction of the masjid. I quickly realize the
reason for this rush: Efasi will be leading 4 rak'aat tonight and people from every nook
and corner of Kuwait have come to enjoy his Qira'ah. As we enter the mosque compound,
we're handed out schedules by children from the Kuwait Boy Scouts Association (who,
incidentally, are doing a marvellous job in handling the logistics -- they've been posted all over
the place and are doing everything from routing traffic, to handing out water bottles and
'Adhkaar' leaflets to the musal'lin.).

The schedule of the Qiyaam over the next 10 days reads like a 'whos-who' of Qaris. The
way they've organized the imams to lead the prayers is that each day there will be two
qaris and will pray four rak'aat each. And the Imams will change each day. So all in all,
over the course of 10 days you will get to hear Kandari, Efasi, Khalid Saeedi, Yasir
Failakawi and others. The night of the 27th fell on a weekday this year, but because Efasi and
Kandari were leading the prayer that night (and the fact that it was the 27th) drew in a
record 130,000 worshippers to Masjid Al Kabeer! Yes, you read that right -- 0.13 million
people attended qiyaam this last Saturday! Subhanallah!

And what a night it was. Each Qari was so filled with emotion you could hear grown men
crying all over the place. Sheikh Efasi himself was so overcome by emotion and choked with
tears at times that he could no longer continue and had to go into Ruku'. I always
wondered what moved grown men to tears. They have such purity in their hearts and so intimately
understand the language of the Quran that they can't but help crying when they come
across verses that deal with the torture of the Hellfire or the fate of the disbelievers in
the hereafter. I got a taste of this one night in a Tarawih that was led by Efasi. He
happened to read Surah Yusuf that night. This is one of my favourite surah's from the Quran
and I draw much strength from the patience of Yusuf and his father Yaqoob in times of
adversity. Efasi recites (in the way only he can recite):

"Behold! Joseph said to his father: "O my father! I did see eleven stars and the sun and
the moon: I saw them prostrate themselves to me!" (012.004)

The emotion in the air is palpable. And then Efasi recites this verse:

"They stained his shirt with false blood. He said: "Nay, but your minds have made up a
tale (that may pass) with you, (for me) patience is most fitting: Against that which ye
assert, it is Allah (alone) Whose help can be sought".. "

And so many people in the crowd just burst out crying. The love that Yaqoob had for his
son Yusuf was so heart-breaking. When his brothers ask their father to take Yusuf
to the woods to get rid of him, the aged Yaqoob can only say "Really it saddens me that
ye should take him away...". These verses remind me of my own experiences with my father
over the last two years and I get a choking sensation and tears well-up in my eyes.
Subhanallah.. if I could just latch on to those feelings and the nearness to Allah I felt in
those moments..

Alas, the Eiman ebbs and flows.

The rest of the surah chronicles the various tests that Yusuf was put through, the
treachery by his brothers, the time spent in the prison, how he gets out of prison by the
miracle he has been given from Allah (interpretation of dreams), the episode with Zulaykha,
his rise to power in Egypt and finally we come to the verse that completes the full-circle
of events that started with Yusuf's vision and he realizes the full import of that dream:

"And he raised his parents high on the throne (of dignity), and they fell down in
prostration, (all) before him. He said: "O my father! this is the fulfilment of my vision of
old! Allah hath made it come true! He was indeed good to me when He took me out of prison
and brought you (all here) out of the desert, (even) after Satan had sown enmity between me
and my brothers. Verily my Lord understandeth best the mysteries of all that He planneth
to do, for verily He is full of knowledge and wisdom."

Whenever life gets difficult, I take much respite in these words of Yusuf. Despite all
that might be happening, if we stay true to our covenant with Allah, all is going to be
fine eventually.

And after two hours of pure ecstasy, I return back from Qiyaam to have a quick Suhoor and
prepare for Fajr.

That, in a nutshell, is how Ramdaan is down here in Kuwait.

PS: I recorded some of the recitation from Tarawihs and Qiyaam on my [url=http://www.diduprice.com/stores.asp?productid=YPt7Z] YPT7Z [/url] mp3 recorder. But
unfortunately, the quality in these recordings really doesn't do any justice to the beautiful
recitation of these Qaris. However, if anyone is interested, send me a mail
(dogbertq8@gmail.com) and I'll send you a link to the recordings.
11/02/05 at 16:18:32
jannah
Re: Ramadan Diaries 1426/2005 !!
jannah
11/02/05 at 16:01:23
Ramadan 26 1426 A. H., October 30th, 2005

Dear Ramadan Diary,

I learned a very important lesson this Ramadan...

So many Ramadans when I've been growing up have been awesome. So many good memories flash through my mind. Saturday community iftars, warm nights, chasing the Ramadan fireflies, finding the perfect outfit for Eid, meeting all the girls and taking pictures under that same tree every year. Even later memories of praying Taraweeh together in the room with no aunties, listening to the deep spiritual lectures while eating after-halloween-sale candy, driving through the snow to iftars at the Masjid, car pooling to fajr in the freezing cold, helping with the Eid bazaar, MSA iftars.

Yet somehow as I get older, Ramadan has became more and more difficult. Work hours makes it so that you're breaking fast at work or in the car on the way home. Then if you're not dead tired, going to pray, and coming home so late and again too tired to do anything but sleep. It's no wonder every Ramadan is marked by illness and many missed days of fasting. Usually I can make it half way through before I get sick and miss a few days or can't continue. Iftars are rushed affairs with everyone coming, eating and leaving within an hour or hour and a half.

But what I realized this Ramadan is the difference between last year and this year. This year I made the effort. I started a few months ahead of time, fasting mondays and thursdays and making plans and lists of what i wanted to do. I took vacation days for the last ten days, changed my schedule so I could make it to iftars. I made sure to wake up consistently for suhoor and eat real meals. I made the effort to not eat a lot for iftar and save it for after taraweeh. I made the effort to organize iftars. I made the effort to do ibadah and to make it to the masjid for every taraweeh except two when it was impossible. I made sure to stay up all night for all the last ten odd nights. I made the effort to do my zakat and sadaqah, to read quran and try to add a few good deeds here and there. And what I learned thinking back on these first 27 nights is that all these past years it's been other people's effort and enthuisiam that I depended on to have a good and beneficial Ramadan and when that wasn't there any more it was like I went into decline. How ungrateful of me. Somehow I thought Ramadan was my right and not my guest. Somehow I expected so sit back and let Ramadan change me or give me what I wanted and needed. How could I expect that. How wrong I was. Ramadan is really gift, a very precious, precious gift and the person who doesn't take advantage of it is truly like the prophet saw said "the deprived one".

On this night of the 27th the Imam speaks of how the angels go around the whole next year saying 'so and so, yes he/she is the deprived one for they did not partake of ramadan'. He tells us of the Sahabah who spent the 6 months after Ramadan reviewing and continuing what they did in Ramadan and the next 6 months preparing for the coming Ramadan.

The other Imam comes on the microphone and tells us about the janazah in our community he attended today. Yesterday around 3pm the brother was fine and in the kitchen cooking some things for iftar for his family. All of the sudden he felt some pain in his heart, he was brought to the hospital and there the doctors could not save him. His janazah was the next day at dhuhr time. After, they brought him to the Muslim cemetary and buried him under 6 feet of dirt. So within 24 hours, at the same time the next day around 3pm he was being questioned by the angels in his grave. SubhanAllah SubhanAllah Is this not a lesson for us diary? He never would have thought he would never see another Ramadan and indeed never finish the fasting of this Ramadan. May Allah have mercy on him and on us.

So dear diary I want to tell my brothers and sisters not to waste these precious drops of Ramadan you may not get another.

As I drive home after fajr the sky turns an amazing red pink color filling the horizon. Amazing bright color without the rays of the sun. I want to pull over and take a picture as I've never seen anything like it. My camera phone isn't working. I stop at a red light and roll down the windows. Hundreds of birds are singing on the beautiful colored trees of Fall. I know this is a sign that this night was lailatul qadr inshaAllah. I reflect how in my lifetime I've seen Ramadan go from spring to winter to now fall. I pray to Allah to allow me to see another Ramadan.



NS


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