A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| That Maternal Instinct? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/07/05 at 00:27:36 |
| Salaam, To all the mommies and mommies to be, before you had kids did you have a yearning or a longing for kids? If you did have this feeling, how soon after getting married did you have kids? How did it feel being at home with the baby?? I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is a yearing to have kids or overwelmed by the number of ppl around me expecting or have just given birth to a baby. My mother-in-law has gotten onto the bandwagon as well. She first got me when I had first gotten married- I had a really bad virul infection and she thought I was pregnant... I was really embarassed because at the doc's office she decided to come in with me and annouce to the doctor that she thought I was pregnant..and of course the doc started asking VERY personal questions.... :( More recently she starting talking in a round-about way about family planning and how when you get older it's not good..etc ..mind you this happened right after iftar. I was really embarassed YET again..... I also want to work. I just finished school and I want to work..but maybe have a kid...I'm so confused ??? |
| Re: That Maternal Instinct? |
|---|
| dina |
| 10/07/05 at 03:30:45 |
| [slm] was just reading your message, sad to hear about you mother in law i do think theres too much pressure on recently married couples to have kids, even if youve had two....will say when are you having another its not easy bringing children up, you need to be physically and mentaly sound, i would personly not rush into having a child to please anyone around me, beause whne theyve all gone home i will be the one holding the baby you never mention how old you, if you are under 25, i think inshaAllah its ok to wait. if you are reaching 30 seriuosly start thinking about having one also depends how many you want, what age difference do you want between your kids, what kind of life do you want to offer your child do you have any kids around you if you do, would strongly recommend, you baby sit that child 3-4 times a week that will give you a good indication how you reallly feel about having a child about birth control, i think your mother in laws right its could lead to complications later, i dont know what the statistics are on the pill, i just dont like the idea of taking hormones, it will afftect the natural balance of your body. i would like to add i do know women, who took the pill for years and had no problems. a child can bring so much joy to life and rewards, i would just say dont stress or be pressured take time to make your decision. Allah will guide you to what is best. [wlm] |
| Re: That Maternal Instinct? |
|---|
| Fozia |
| 10/07/05 at 09:28:40 |
| [slm] If you're just out of school and looking into settling into a career, a baby is not what you want. I had my first after six years of marriage, it took a while for me to conceive though. If you're worried about the negative effects of the pill, speak to your doctor, maybe she can suggest something else. I'm amazed the doctor allowed you mother in law to sit in on your consultation, she sounds very full on (your MIL). How does your husband feel about starting a family?? If you are living with your in-laws, you may find that a baby makes the whole situation very claustrophobic, everyone will have a say in how you bring up your child..... As Sr. Dino says if you've hit your 30's then delaying starting a family may not be the best option, however if you are relatively young, fit and healthy, I personally dont see why waiting is so bad. Lastly I wouldn't let my mother in law (or anyone else for that matter), bully me into having a baby. My mother wanted me to start havign babies immediately after marriage, she made my life a misery because I didn't and all her friends daughters were getting pregnant. I am happy I waited for the time I did, as we were able to buy a house, and move away from said mother. Although I do still work, it is very difficult balancing children with a career, and I am lucky Alhumdulillah, that I am at place in my career where I am happy to put my job on the back burner, and I'm lucky that my boss allows me to work around my children. In my experience if you are asking whether having a baby is the right thing to do, then most likely you are not yet ready. Take Care of yourself. Wassalaam |
| Re: That Maternal Instinct? |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 10/07/05 at 14:54:36 |
| [quote author=Anonymous link=board=sis;num=1128655657;start=0#0 date=10/07/05 at 00:27:36]Salaam, To all the mommies and mommies to be, before you had kids did you have a yearning or a longing for kids? If you did have this feeling, how soon after getting married did you have kids? How did it feel being at home with the baby???[/quote] Sister, all women are different and it depends. Some women feel maternal just seeing a baby. My granddaughter was not planned and my DIL I never did see around any little children. However she is the best most loving and wise mom, she took to mothering like a duck to water. As to how women feel when they come home with the baby. I know women who did not want to let the baby out of their site, some who went right back to work after 6 weeks. Some scared and unsure till they get familar. [quote author=Anonymous link=board=sis;num=1128655657;start=0#0 date=10/07/05 at 00:27:36] I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is a yearing to have kids or overwelmed by the number of ppl around me expecting or have just given birth to a baby. My mother-in-law has gotten onto the bandwagon as well. She first got me when I had first gotten married- I had a really bad virul infection and she thought I was pregnant... I was really embarassed because at the doc's office she decided to come in with me and annouce to the doctor that she thought I was pregnant..and of course the doc started asking VERY personal questions.... :( More recently she starting talking in a round-about way about bamily planning and how when you get older it's not good..etc ..mind you this happened right after iftar. I was really embarassed YET again..... ?????[/quote] Sister #1) Call the doctors office in private and ask the nurse to let the doctor know you did not want your MIL in there but did not want to hurt her feelings. In the future have the doctor say, no one but the patient at this time, when I am done with the exame we'll call you in. #2) I think you should talk to your husband and ask him to go with you the next appt and to ask his mother to stay home. #3) I would have a heart to heart talk, yes maybe she will be offended at first but better offended a short time instead of making you embarrassed and uncomfortable all the time. Just say something like this (but in your own words) MIL I know you wish your son to have children and you want grandchildren, but I am simply not ready. I want to be a good mother and devote my time to a future child. However there are things I wish to do and experience before motherhood. I wish to please you and it makes me really sad when you keep talking about having a baby cause I feel I am displeasing you. Please give me time. Inshallah there will be a baby in the future. [quote author=Anonymous link=board=sis;num=1128655657;start=0#0 date=10/07/05 at 00:27:36] I also want to work. I just finished school and I want to work..but maybe have a kid...I'm so confused ???[/quote] Of course you want to work, you just finished school and worked hard in your area of study. Take a deep breath, pray to Allah for guidance. As hubby to intervien if dear MIL doesn't back off. But go to her and talk sweet and honest and try to work it out between you before asking hubby to interviene. Take a deep breath and chill out Sister. Best wishes and Happy and Blessed Ramdan |
| 10/07/05 at 14:57:07 |
| Caraj |
| Re: That Maternal Instinct? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/07/05 at 14:59:58 |
| 1) Okay, I think I should clear the air a bit. My mother-in-law is an amazing woman, Mashallah. She has accepted me as one of her own. I think the reason why she's on the bandwagon is because she really wants grand-kids..... they will brighten up her life, ( We have all been through a tremendous loss- for about 2 years...especially my mother-in-law because my father-in-law was sick-he was diagnosed with cancer and he passed away this past January (May Allah swt bless his soul)). 2) I'm turning 25 in December and I've been married for almost 2 years now. I know my husband would like to have kids because he believes that it's better to have kids at a younger age as it bridges the gap between the parents and the kids- he wants to be able to do things with his kids and he believes that by putting it off, that might not be possible. This has been reinforced further after the passing of my father-in-law. 3) Career Wise- I'm a teacher. I just received my B.Ed in June and I have been looking for work. Nothing has panned out as yet, but Inshallah something will turn up if Allah swt Wills it. Recently I've been feeling as though I don't want to work as a full-time teacher, but rather an occasional teacher- supply, 3-6 month occasional positions etc. I think that if I was to get pregnant/have kids, I could still keep my feet in the profession but on a part-time basis. I believe that if I did do this, let's say twice a week, my mother-in-law would be willing to watch the baby. Does any of this make sense? |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |