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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Her Husband is the Problem |
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| Kathy |
| 10/19/05 at 09:54:27 |
| [slm] Should I tell her? I have a sis who is a very very good friend. I love her to bits. Alhumdullillah, this year for the first time in years, my hubby is up to having social Iftars at our home. We have a small apartment, and can only have a couple families at a time. My hubby can not stand her husband. Many can not because he is so political and talks politics non stop. Although, gotta say he is a sincere brother... just too passionate. So because of this and not wanting to irritate his other guests, my hubby won't invite them over. She knows about the different gatherings and I assume she is just 'waiting' for their turn, which is not going to happen. Should I tell her why? I am afraid her feelings are going to be hurt, but I want her to know it has nothing to do with her. |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| jannah |
| 10/19/05 at 09:57:34 |
| [wlm] I wouldn't tell her. The best thing to hope for is she might think you "forgot". |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| Fozia |
| 10/19/05 at 10:36:24 |
| [slm] You have to say something, or she may think you are snubbing her....On the other hand saying something like 'Your husband is too irritating to bear for a few hours...' well that could end the friendship too. Any chance you could tell her nicely...or just lie or something to save her feelings, how will she take hearing criticism of her husband?? If she's liable to take it personally, I wouldn't tell her the truth, just stretch it a little. ie, 'there were so many people to invite, apartment is so small, my husband drew up the lists and I didn't realise until too late lots of my own friends were not on it'.....?? Wassalaam |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| theOriginal |
| 10/19/05 at 12:44:13 |
| [slm] Invite them with another talkative couple. The hubby might blend in. Oh and I wouldn't tell her at all. Maybe you can have a females-only iftaar and invite her and treat her like your special guest, and that might camoflauge the situation? Wasalaam. |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| eleanor |
| 10/19/05 at 16:32:25 |
| [slm] If it were me I would probably only invite this couple alone for one iftar, and any kids they have. 2 families having iftar together. Surely your husband can put up with/tolerate the brother for a few hours for your sake?? wasalaam eleanor |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| Aadhil |
| 10/19/05 at 16:59:49 |
| [slm] When I first saw the title of this thread I thought it was another husband bashing thread :P Anyways, getting on topic, My advice is don't tell her. She'll prolly tell her hubby, and then there might me friction between her hubby and yours. To put it a nutshell, more harm could come out of it. I second sis. JO's suggestion of a sisters only iftar, and mebbe your husband could go to the masjid for iftar instead... :) |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| Mujahideen |
| 10/19/05 at 20:29:45 |
| [quote author=JustOne link=board=madrasa;num=1129726468;start=0#3 date=10/19/05 at 12:44:13] [slm] Invite them with another talkative couple. The hubby might blend in. Oh and I wouldn't tell her at all. Maybe you can have a females-only iftaar and invite her and treat her like your special guest, and that might camoflauge the situation? Wasalaam.[/quote] [slm] I think this is good advise a girls only Iftar would be a solution – on the other hand inviting another politically minded Brother over might also solve the problem. Most Pakistani uncles I know can talk politics non-stop; I can’t tell you how many Indian Iftars I go to and the talk is always political. India this, Pakistan that, Saudi such and such and well Jordan you know about them….its totally amazing that they can have opinions on so many things I could not be more disinterested in. I fact if you try to find someone who holds divergent political opinions you’ll be pretty much assured they’ll really go at each other all night and your husband to talk with someone else. Otherwise just tell hubby to suck it up and put up with him for a couple of hours – cultivating patience is a virtue especially in Ramadan. |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| thezman |
| 10/20/05 at 00:03:28 |
| [slm] You got some dilemma there, where you'll be daymned if you tell her and daymned if you don't. So, I think you should choose the lesser of the 2 evils... If you love her that much and you're friends, then she's entitled to an explanation. Because, if she's expecting to be invited and doesn't and she sees that other's were invited and not her, she'll feel really bad about that. and also, rumors may start floating around as to what the reason is, so the true reason should come from the source... also, if you don't tell her, they may take it as an insult and this situation could spiral out of control, then they can retaliate by inviting their friends and excluding you and your husband. this may affect your friendship negatively... Or you can just bite the bullet in the spirit of Ramadan and sacrifice a couple of hours for the sake of Allah (swt) and for your friendship and just invite them... the last option is to invite her alone, and send her husband to have iftar with me, I LOVE POLITICS ;) |
| 10/20/05 at 00:05:38 |
| thezman |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/20/05 at 21:15:35 |
| [slm] Go with JustOne's suggestion, a sister's only iftar. And by no means do not tell her why she is not being invited with the others, that would just crush her. |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| Siham |
| 10/21/05 at 11:55:44 |
| [slm] I think a neutral mediator would be ideal to have in this situation, preferably a friend of the family or a relative -- insha’Allah that way the pressure is a bit lifted from your husband’s shoulder and the atmosphere is more relaxed for all parties involved :) Hope this helps insha'Allah. wassalaam. |
| Re: Her Husband is the Problem |
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| ummnajmah |
| 10/21/05 at 17:32:34 |
| [slm] I may be the only one going against the current with what I have to say ;). Sis, it is kinda hard to have someone like that in your house but just for the sake of your friend, why not put up with it just for one night of iftar? Ramadhan is also a month of kindness and giving, and am not saying that you are not ( coz you are here asking for advise on how to best handle this delicate situation) and in this situation you may have to stretch yourselves alittle bit on the kind part..loolz.Talk your husband into it inshallah, it may be a hard sell but am sure in this way you can at least have done your duty to your friend and not make her feel slighted in the least. Then inshallah, since you have a good reason of not having them around again, you would naturally be trying to go down the list as you can only have two couples a time and the list is long ;)! Inshallah, it all turns out well regardless of whatever decision you make. :) |
| 10/21/05 at 17:39:50 |
| ummnajmah |
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