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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| marriage contracts |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 11/14/05 at 14:58:31 |
| [slm] so my good news is that i am getting married inshallah in january :) my question is, how do i go about writing up a marriage contract? I bought Hedaya Hartford's book on marriage contracts which actually includes samples of contracts, but i also wanted to hear any advice, tips, recommendations, etc that any of you may have as to what to include and what NOT to include. Is there anything you would have wished you knew beforehand? and how do you go about deciding the mahr? it seems that it is pretty variable, how do you decide on an amount that isn't too paltry and isn't too ostentatious? [wlm] |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| Kathy |
| 11/15/05 at 10:06:39 |
| [slm] Some things i put in my second marriage: 1. The right to divorce [i] if I needed to[/i] if he took another wife. 2. To be able to go away with the sisters or family for a couple of days. 3. Clothing allowance. Couple of outfits in the spring and in the fall. Bottom line, none of the above items ever became an issue. Nor did I press him, when money was tight for 2 &3. He asked me not to put them in writing, it would be embarrassing for him. I agreed and we made our pact orally. In fact just got back form a three day holdiay at a lake house with a bunch of Sisters! As far as mahr goes, my hubby had little, so I accepted him 'teaching me to read the Qur'an." At the rate i am going, the poor man will never be able to divorce me! ;) Please keep in mind that I was not a young virgin beauty when I married him and was able to support my self. I wish I had much more mahr and a divorce settlement in my first marriage contract. I needed it then. |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| Fozia |
| 11/17/05 at 08:45:31 |
| [slm] My mahr was set at the same amount as the Mahr of Fatima (ra) the daughter of the Prophet (saw). The Mahr was obviously accounted in todays currency I think it was the value of a certain amount of silver. Wassalaam |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| ummnajmah |
| 11/17/05 at 10:27:41 |
| [slm] I knew since I was a little girl that when I got married I would ask for something simple as mahr. I do not like extravagance. Alhamdulillah when I was about to get married I still felt the same, I was inspired by the Sahabiyyat ( may Allah have mercy on them) on their simplicity. I have heard of sisters asking for various things from furniture to jewellery etc as mahr but I would advise you to sit down and carefully think about it. Do not be influenced by anyone becoz this is your bridal gift from your husband inshallah to you. I looked at it in this way, by going for an expensive dowry, am taking more out of my future husbands savings or earnings when he can save that and use it to better our life together in the future. That's just my personal look on it. I asked for various diff books on Ilm about my deen because that's the biggest gift that will help me in this dunia and akhira, inshallah. As for the contract I did not put stipulations on him. Alhamdulillah he is a generous man and what little he has he thinks of me first. ;) All the best sis and mabrook on your forthcoming nikaah. PM me if you need any more input. :-) |
| 11/17/05 at 10:29:10 |
| ummnajmah |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| Shahida |
| 12/02/05 at 09:18:09 |
| [slm] I am sooo happy for you!!! Alf Mabroooook sis! been quiet for a long time, and now i come here to such good news! mashaAllah :-* No idea about the contract tho...sorry. i had many ideas in my youth, have changed my mind totally since then though. depends on the brother, i think you have to tailor make it to *him*...good luck with that, and pls let me know what you ended up putting in it. Salam alaikum Sis Shahida :-) |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| jannah |
| 12/02/05 at 10:00:56 |
| [wlm] congrats sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe we'll have another wedding fashion thread eh ;) a suggestion for ur contract, how bout some guidelines about what to do if there is a real disagreement about something, like someone(s) that you both agree to go to for arbritration? like i know this one sis put in this imam they both agreed to, and this other one put in that her father and his would talk and be the arbitrators...so maybe something to discuss even if u don't put it in? take care inshallah! |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| amatullah |
| 12/02/05 at 11:01:57 |
| [wlm] I think there is a hadeeth that means the women with the least mahr have the highest baraka. So I would say go for little now. But what you can do is put a stipulation in case Allah forbid there is a divorce or Khul' that he pays a certain (much bigger) amount to help you start a new life. If you didn't finish your education and care to then put that one in. Sometimes they discourage women from learning after marriage. Or you can ask for the memorization of the entire Quran to be your mahr. I think in Islamic sharia he does not have to pay for medical expenses but this is traditionally accepted and so it is "islamic" nowadays. But I think it is good to make sure it's known beforehand even if it is oral agreement for that part. Listen to your wali's advice if you have one. Alot of times they make decisions based on knowing you or fears they sense against the person and we don't see them liek that because we like them. So it is good to listen to what others who know one or both have to say. |
| Re: marriage contracts |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 12/03/05 at 16:33:56 |
| thanks for the helpful hints :) i'm really really excited about the upcoming wedding...it's coming up so fast and there's so much to do...it's going to be in chicago in the beginning of january. any other helpful wedding ideas are also helpful, i saw once someone do some beautiful calligraphy of the bride and groom's names in arabic. does anyone know of anyone in chicago that is able to do that? |
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