Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| tafseer of Surat-ul Falaq |
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| ABD |
| 01/02/02 at 05:38:33 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, Here is the tafseer of Surat-ul Falaq. Wassalamu Alaikum, Betul Tafseer Ibn Katheer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. "Say: "I seek refuge with the Lord of the daybreak," Jabir says that Falaq means morning. The Qur'an itself says faliqu al-iSbah (Cleaver of the daybreak) [6:96]. Ibn Abbas says that Falaq means creation. Ka'b Al-Ahbar says that Falaq is a place in the Hell. When its gate is opened all the inmates of Hell cry out because of the intensity of its heat. Ibn Jarir and Imam Bukhaer at all but insists that everything in the marriage is cool and there are no problems. What would you do if you were in the sisters position? What advice would you give to the brother? What advice would you give to the sister? |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Fozia |
| 11/16/05 at 15:31:13 |
| [slm] I could be waaay off here, but ermm, I think if the marriage is not consumated in like 6 months, it's anulled....Tell me I am wrong someone please. But how very strange. Hmmm, has the Sr asked her husband when he thinks he will be ready to consumate the marriage, how long this getting to know period will last. I think she should tell him, that although he is happy with the current state of affairs, she is not. It is her right to be a proper wife, and if he has problems than he should speak to her about it, or the doctor or whoever, not spend the rest of his marital life on the computer...... Ok big crash in other room must go :o Wassalaam |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Fozia |
| 11/17/05 at 01:48:00 |
| [slm] Have been thinking about this. The Sr. definitely needs to speak to her husband, but she needs to do it in a non-confrontational/accusatory manner, tell her to try and keep calm and not get hysterical. I would advise trying to sort the problem out without getting anyone else involved if possible. She really needs to find out why her husband won't consumate the marriage. I would definitely want to know how long he wishes for the getting to know period to last. I suppose she can also try and do the houri thing too. How long have they been married, how old are they, was the Br. happy with the marriage......?? Wassalaam |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Taalibatul_ilm |
| 11/17/05 at 09:11:17 |
| [slm] Sounds like he has a medical problem. They need to discuss it and if he refuses to get treatment, she needs to go to her wali and tell him what is going on. |
| 11/17/05 at 09:12:47 |
| Taalibatul_ilm |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Kathy |
| 11/17/05 at 09:18:09 |
| [slm] Hmmm... a man gets married and does not want sex. It is understandable for "a get to know you period." But this time should not take as long as a month, for a guy... in fact most are reallly ready.... ;) So we need to find out his problem, could be one of the below. 1. He is gay. 2. He is impotent. 3. His wife's appearance affects his sexuality in a neg way.. aka she is too ugly, fat ...etc... 4. He is still in love with another chickie poo. 5. He is clinically depressed. 6. He has sexial issues, such as molestation, porn addiction, or other mental issues. When she finds out get back to us. Advice for her? All the scholars say... be patient .....to the wife.. I wonder if the reverse was true. Hubby wants sex, virgin wife won't, if people's advice would be different... like tell him to dump her and get another wife. In my opinion, waiting for even more than a month is wayyy too long. :-[ In fact I would like to talk more about this subject. I know it is really a sensitive topic. I need to know how to help a sis who is reluctant, scared and is in a situation like this. Anyone here been in this situation? What words of advice can I give to her to get her to 'jump in the saddle." Just IM me if you are not comfortable sharing with the readers. |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Siham |
| 11/17/05 at 09:46:18 |
| Love is permissible, but with conditions Translated by the www.daralislamlive.com team. Introduction Love is Permissible, But With Conditions! Islam categorises four stages of love which are permissible. This starts with the social contact, the engagement, the marriage contract, and inevitably, the wedding. Many youth have asked if love is permissible in Islam and what are the limits that a Muslim is not supposed to go beyond. Is a Muslim allowed to go out with his or her fiancé without a guardian before the marriage contract is signed? Mr. Amr Khaled answers these questions and more in the July issue of “Al-Shabab” magazine, 2004. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What Do You Think of Love? Feeling love is permissible (halal) and is a beautiful gift that Allah implanted into our being. It is also something that we can have no control over. It is well known that Islamic duties only involve voluntary actions, (On no soul Allah places a burden greater than it can bear...1:286). Therefore, nobody can order you not to love; but rather someone can order you not to fall into sins when you experience the feeling of love. It is the same as saying, if you hate someone don’t be unjust to him, or if you are hungry, don’t steal other people’s food, rather than saying don’t hate anyone or don’t feel hungry. In case you were able to turn your passion into an enduring marriage that would ideally be a happy ending. However, if it couldn’t develop into marriage, it would become pain and torture, both physically and psychologically, for the two parties involved. Hence when you do fall in love and you are able to get married, you should take serious steps towards this eternal bond. However, if you are not ready for marriage, then what you must do is endure your love patiently and piously; not taking any action that may lead you to breaking Allah’s commands. It is always better to control your thoughts from the beginning and not be obsessed with falling in love, until you become capable of carrying it all the way through to a successful marriage. Some Say That Pre-Marital Love Is Important So That The Two Partners Are Confident In Their Choice. Is This True? There are two models in this matter, the Islamic model and the Western model. I think the best way is to contrast the outcome of the two models. The Western model went too far in promoting pre-marital relationships and we should ask: did it make the families happier? In fact, while people in the West don’t get married except after protracted love affairs, families are less cohesive and have more problems, higher divorce rates, and higher domestic violence rates. In contrast, the Islamic model puts a lot of emphasis on the criteria of a realistic choice, in addition to the emotional affection. It stages the relationship into four steps through which the couple can acquire the necessary criteria for building a strong family. Those steps are social contact, then engagement, then the marriage contract, and finally the consummation of marriage. Why Are Girls Not Romantic Anymore And All They Are Concerned About Are The Materialistic Qualifications In The Prospective Husband? This is an actual problem. We have to understand that the final goal of marriage is building a healthy family, which forms the building blocks of a strong society. A woman who chooses her husband this way is bound to find herself in a disastrous situation in the future; maybe a moral crisis, or just self-disrespect. She may be a respectable lady, but finds out that she is unable to endure what she has put herself into. What Does Islam Say About Marriage Between Close Relatives (i.e. First Cousins), Especially That Physicians Advise Against It? If it has been scientifically proven that such marriage can lead to problems in the offspring, Islam teaches us to listen to the valid medical advice. Another bad thing about the wide spread of this kind of marriage is the tendency to preserve wealth within the family. In fact, the ultimate goal of marriage is raising a happy family and not the investment or preservation of wealth. Is Equivalence Between The Two Partners (i.e. In Wealth, Education, etc.) An Important Condition For A Successful Relationship? And What Is The Ideal Form Of Equivalence? There are some who believe that it is enough for the partner to be pious regardless of his/her social or intellectual status. Others think that it is the social or intellectual standard that matters, regardless of how religious the person is. You see a religious girl accepting a young man who is completely away from Islam, thinking that he has a potential to change after marriage. I say that both attitudes are wrong. It is not enough to have either religion alone, social standard alone, or intellectual standard alone. Equivalence is necessary, yes, but it should include a combination of many parameters; religious, social, intellectual, and age, which is an important parameter by itself. I deliberately did not include wealth as a stand alone factor, because it is not very important if other factors are adequately fulfilled. Also, sometimes age becomes of relative importance; again if all these factors are satisfied, in addition to an adequate degree of mutual affection. In Many Cases It Is The Girl Who Approaches The Man. This Is When Resistance Becomes More Difficult For Him. What Should One Do? A woman can propose to the man whom she thinks is a suitable husband under Islamic rules. It is undoubtedly an acceptable act by Islam. We know well that Khadija proposed to the Prophet (peace be upon him). What is important is how a woman carries out her proposal. Islam does not condemn the feeling itself but being candid and expressive about it should be the last resort, because a woman’s beauty lies in her shyness and modesty. Also in this regard, hints may work as well as outspokenness. A girl can test the water through a third party, who is wise and trustworthy. And here comes the importance of a friend father and a friend mother, as both may be ideal for such a role, as we know happened in the story of Moses (peace be upon him) when the girl liked him and told his father to hire him and the wise father got the message and carried out the proposal for Moses. What Is The Word On Engaged Couples Who Go Out Together In Public Places, Knowing That They Often Commit Many Religious Mistakes Doing That? Engagement is a promise of marriage and the idea behind it is to provide the chance for thoughtful interaction between the future partners and to know more about each other’s way of thinking and what things are important or annoying for each party. The emphasis during this stage should be on the characteristics, so let us not deviate from the purposes for which Allah (S.W.T.) established. Being alone with a fiancé inevitably makes one become overwhelmed by one’s instincts, something that destroys the sanctity that Allah gave to this relationship, and has dire consequences. However, we should separate between being in a secluded place, as in a car in a deserted road, and in a public place. As I warned before, the intensity of passion during the engagement period puts a cover on the faculties of the person and obliterates his/her ability to be objective. Thus during this period assess if the other partner is really the appropriate choice. On the other hand, it is unacceptable that every time the couple sits together, the girl’s brother has to be sitting with them. This also prevents them from understanding each other deeply enough. It is better for them to sit in an open place with the family around. What Is The Islamic Judgment On Phone Calls That Engaged Couples Make That May Extend For Long Hours Into The Night And Might Be Behind The Parents’ Back? They need to talk, this is natural. It is also natural for such a call to take a long time. But I warn of making it at night or without parental knowledge and acceptance. Many Youth Engage In Romantic Affairs, Which Often Involves Mistakes. Some Of These Affairs Lead To Marriage, So Does A Marriage Wipe Off The Preceding Mistakes? The solution is to make the engagement period as short as possible to avoid human weaknesses and prevent such mistakes. There is a high rate of marriage failures because of what happens during the engagement period. About 25% of those failures are due to mistakes that were followed by a change of heart on the man’s part. Some men intend to get as much as he can of his fiancé before he leaves her under the pretext that she was not good enough for him. We have to also realise that during this period, the passion of many girls is so intense that it is up to the man to put the lid on both of their desires; otherwise a disaster might happen, as we see on a daily basis. There has to be an upheld barrier between the two partners throughout the engagement period, which in turn should be reasonably shortened. |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| ummnajmah |
| 11/17/05 at 10:07:30 |
| [slm] Inshallah, the bro needs to stop putting the sister in a limbo. He needs to either be interested in marriage or he just lets the poor sister go her own way instead of holding her back in the guise of ' trying to get to know each other better ' ::). Alot of couples are still trying to get to know each other in their first years together. So this doesn't fly with me. A week , I would understand but months! Something may be troubling the bro. I would get to the point and ask the brother " Was there a point in getting married if you do not plan to change your lifestyle to adjust to having a wife? ??? Do you understand the rights of a man towards his wife and vice versa? This is not only with regards to the intimate relations but you also said he carries on like he is still single! So if he is nervous on the intimacy part, what about the every day life with his wife? What is the reason behind his actions? Tell the sister to be honest and speak frankly to the bro. Tell him point blank, that he is saying one thing and practising something else. He says he wants to get to know her and yet doesn't make the effort to include her in his activities or join her in hers. Am sure any imam or scholar would advise the sister to sit down and discuss the issue with the bro and then make a desicion based on his answers, either to move forward alone or with the husband working together to resolve this issue. Yes, she should be patient and kind when talking to him but also firm so as to ascertain the problem. Allahu Alam. |
| 11/17/05 at 10:08:59 |
| ummnajmah |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 11/17/05 at 14:53:43 |
| [slm] (Gives a nod to sis Kathy's possible reasons as to why the bro has held back so far. I thought of those too, bar no. 6 :o). It almost sounds like he's agreed to the marriage for the sake of someone else, i.e. he may be trying to make someone else happy, aka parents. It may well be that he just feels nothing for the sister, and that's not because the sis is flawed in anyway. Some people sometimes see their spouses almost like a sibling/friend and really cannot see themselves being intimate with them. Someone I know who is engaged sees her fiance as a friend/brother and cannot imagine doing any coupley thing with him and is worried how she's going to be when she has to become intimate with him. I also agree with sis Fozia that initially she needs to talk to him. Ask him why he married her and what he wants from marriage and whether he knows the responsibilities of the husband and wife to each other, which include intimate relations. Sorry can't be more helpful :P. But I hope insha'Allaah that something is sorted soon! wa'salaam |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Siham |
| 11/17/05 at 18:39:33 |
| lol I thought they were merely engaged, anyways this situation is really weird, because usually brothers are the ones who are ready :-X well I guess people don’t always marry for the right reasons then… [] |
| Re: Newly Wed Marriage Problems? |
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| Siham |
| 11/17/05 at 19:01:40 |
| Question: After one week of marriage, my husband is not consummating our marriage. I am an American Muslim, and my husband is from Pakistan. We were married a little more than a week ago, and he has yet to consummate our marriage. This is something that causes me great pain, for I love him more than I know how to love, but he does not feel an attraction to me. It is in his heart, I believe, to remain married to me for life, and to try to come closer to feeling for me, but I do not know what I should do. I gladly satisfy him by other means, however, I need the closeness of a loving relationship. Please tell me if there are any prayers to assist me in gaining the love of my husband, or any things that I should do as a woman to bring him closer to me. Please understand the seriousness of this request. I love my husband, I do not want to see him happy or unsatisfied. Thank You. Answer: May Allah (swt) accept your efforts to improve your relationship with your husband. Actually, if there are any special prayers that could help you in this particular case, the Islamic scholars would be better able to assist you. We suggest you write to www.islam-online.net and choose the Ask the Scholar section for this part of the question. We want to address the issue of your husband not wanting to consummate the marriage. Have you ever discussed this particular matter with him. It is quite possible that he is anxious about starting a family at this time. Sometimes, there are very peculiar dynamics in an inter-racial relationship. For example, if a man got married only for purposes of getting legal immigrant status, then he might as you say, allow himself to be satisfied through means other than consummating the marriage. He might not have any intention of staying in the marriage and therefore would not like to shoulder the responsibility of fathering a child with his wife. Another aspect of this could be that he just wants to delay consummating the marriage until he feels secure and settled in the marriage. Does he have any reason to feel insecure? Some possible reasons he may feel insecure are if you were married before to another man and were divorced when he married you, if you engaged in pre-marital relationships before becoming a Muslim and have told him about that, or he may simply feel insecure for reasons only he knows. You should talk to him and explore how secure he feels in the marriage. Why did he marry you? Is he at all considering having a family at some point? Is it because of your financial situation? You need to talk to your husband and insha'allah work with him patiently to determine why he will not consummate the marriage. We wish you the best. And make du'a that you and your husband improve your relationship. And Allah (swt) knows best. http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1120469512541&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE |
| 11/17/05 at 19:12:44 |
| Siham |
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