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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Too good looking |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/27/05 at 09:30:25 |
| [slm] Is there such a thing as too good looking? Is it okay to reject a guy based on his looks -- uhh, on his good looks? Just hypothetically, btw ;) Wasalaam. |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| buL-buL |
| 11/27/05 at 14:14:24 |
| [wlm] reverse discrimination? ;) my friend once said, marry someone who you look better than...::) |
| 11/27/05 at 14:18:19 |
| buL-buL |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| thezman |
| 11/27/05 at 19:05:12 |
| [slm] shoot for someone who's looks fall between, good looking and someone who doesn't come close in resembling Rodney Dangerfield ;) good looks can be used as a weapon against you... |
| 11/27/05 at 19:08:00 |
| thezman |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Fozia |
| 11/28/05 at 05:31:34 |
| [slm] That's interesting Sr. Malika, my youngest aunty once said to me if you are prettier than your other half that gives you more value in the relationship (loose translation she was speaking in Urdu at the time). Dunno sr. JO I'd have to consider the liklihood of the good looking guy wanting to re-marry because he needed someone pretty to look at when he got home from work. Remember if you find someone who's deen you like marry him (or something like that). BTW in case any of you were wondering no my husband is no Ben affleck (pre-Jennifer Lopez). However once one finds onself loving someone their looks start getting better and better (in their lovers eyes), and I wouldn't swap him for someone better looking. It does lead to insecurity in a relationship though, my husband has the irritating habit of insisting he's really ugly (he definitely is not) and keeps asking me why I married him. I got fed up once and told him it was all my parents idea (which it was). Wassalaam |
| 11/28/05 at 05:32:07 |
| Fozia |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| ummnajmah |
| 11/28/05 at 10:08:46 |
| [slm] Looooooooolz Sis Fozia, you are something!. Sis I would try to see what accompanies the good looks, is he humble or is he in love with himself? The most important things, how is his deen, is he practising , does he involve himself at the masjid, how often does he go for salah at the masjid etc. How is his character, his adaab and who does he surround himself with? How do people close to him think of him, his family etc. There are bros who are good looking but humble, so we can't lump them together. So sis, look and question and investigate and after all that the bro is a fine muslim man, go for it. This is the one time in Islam, you are allowed to go behind someones back and ask people about him without it being considered backbiting. That's what I tell the sisters, do your research to find out what is really going on with the bro and you will thank Allah (SWT) in the end instead of saying " if only I had known'. Ahemm...you too brothers , there should be more apart from beauty coz when you get to the day to day living part you will find that alot more goes into it, so choose wisely.So sis, If he is into himself, there will be no room for you..loolz ;) |
| 11/28/05 at 10:11:41 |
| ummnajmah |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/28/05 at 11:16:01 |
| [slm] hahaha sis fozia! hilarious! Okay so supposing he IS humble (really is), or at least comes across that way. Deen wise, you know, he's alright. Prays, fasts, etc ... and has really good akhlaaq, polite, attentive (to all the right people including the parents), etc .. But the only downside is that he's really good looking. I mean, I know how that might seem absolutely absurd, and I think I might be going crazy or something (that's the only logical explanation) ... I just think I'd always be looking around to make sure no one else is staring. That's gotta be unhealthy, non? Btw, this is still entirely hypothetical. :) Wasalaam. |
| 11/28/05 at 11:17:47 |
| theOriginal |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Orange_Tree |
| 11/28/05 at 15:12:51 |
| [slm] I think the guy should be a tiny bit ugly just so that he's grateful to be married. Tee hee! i wanna be the looker in the marriage! I'm facing a wee dilemma myself. I have a potential guy coming over soon to meet. we've swapped pics (on parent's say-so). I think he wants to know if I'm worth the journey! anyhoo, he's rather dashing and trendy looking. It's making me incredibly nervous and insecure. What will he see in me? i'm not trendy at all and he seems the trendy type. i think a good looking guy will always bring out insecurities. if you can put up with him turning heads and getting attention then that wud be okay. hmm... depends on your own character really. |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Siham |
| 11/28/05 at 19:24:56 |
| [slm] well my hubby is fine as a man (eg. vin diesel) so i unconsciously noticed that when we *first* met, thus I've never compared myself with him nor intend to do so lol anyways do not marry pretty boy cos they are usually dummies.... so marry a handsome brother with a brain instead ;) wassalaam. |
| 11/28/05 at 19:36:47 |
| Siham |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| M.F. |
| 11/29/05 at 14:58:36 |
| [quote author=Orange_Tree link=board=sis;num=1133098225;start=0#6 date=11/28/05 at 15:12:51] [slm] anyhoo, he's rather dashing and trendy looking. It's making me incredibly nervous and insecure. What will he see in me? i'm not trendy at all and he seems the trendy type. . [/quote] Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Hey don't judge him by a photo. Just think, he probably picked it out very carefully from about a hundred pix; and maybe he thought that's the one he looks best in, and maybe he's trendy in that particular pic. When you meet and talk that's when you'll be able to know what he's really like. It doesn't even really come accross in chatting either. JO, are you worried about him always being looked at or you feeling insecure (I have no idea what you look like and for all I know you're even better lookign than he is, so don't think I'm saying you think you're not good looking!!! ::) ) What would the eventual problem be in the marriage? Frankly, no I don't think that's a reason to reject someone, if other things you're looking for are there. The looks are just a little plus :) Hypothetically of course :P |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Kathy |
| 11/30/05 at 08:56:53 |
| [slm] Just one I have been thinking about your post for days now. Trying to decide what my life experiances have taught me that I could pass on. Too good looking? I think I would be apprehensive too, being a plain jane. Both of my hubbies were really good looking... the first one I noticed from day one... but I think it was the hormones talking, because after he turned ugly, he did not seem so good looking anymore. On the other hand my current husband was also very good looking and I did not notice it until after we were married. In fact it wasn't until I heard a couple of sisters remarking about him, that i took a second look. Then I began to compare him to other men i saw at the masjid and realized i had the best looking hubby! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. [quote]I think he wants to know if I'm worth the journey! anyhoo, he's rather dashing and trendy looking...[/quote] A couple of months ago i was at a Muslim wedding. Saw a nice looking, brother in an Ammani type suit with a purple shirt and fancy tie. Well I knew a sis that would appreciate this kind of dresser So I had him approached to see what he was looking for in a wife. He said he wanted someone who dressed simply aka jilbab/scarf..... :o |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Fozia |
| 11/30/05 at 16:27:22 |
| [slm] The reasons I would turn down a perfectly good suitor on grounds of being far to good looking are. If; 1) I would spend my entire married life grateful to him for marrying me 2) There would be even the remotest possibility that I would spend my married life susupicious at his every glance. ie is he looking at that woman is she looking back (but that is soo unlike me) 3) I felt that he thought me not pretty enough for him. I've gotta say though, there are women on this earth who will see a married man as a challenge. I have seen women give my husband the eye, whilst I am walking beside him and he is pushing not one but two young children in a buggy. I am unsure as to what these ladies think will happen once they catch my husbands attention, as the liklihood of any man abandoning his wife and children in the middle of a shopping centre for a complete stranger is very remote....more so if the married man in question is Muslim and errrmmm totally oblivious of the attention (at 6' most women are below his level of vision :D). However I am pretty laid back, and completely and utterly trust my husband. More importantly I don't feel that either of us is undeserving of the other. Wassalaam |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| theOriginal |
| 12/01/05 at 08:19:41 |
| [slm] Ahhh...thanks for the response. I appreciate it. I personally don't know how I will act/react to issues of jealousy after marriage, good looking husband or not. I don't know that aspect of myself at all. I'm normally not the jealous kind. And I'm definitely the least confrontational person I know. And good looks are not even close to being on the top of my list. I think it all comes down to mutual sincerity, and that's not something you can gage before you get married. [quote]More importantly I don't feel that either of us is undeserving of the other.[/quote] That, I think, is a concise summary of the entire issue. Anyway, if you guys get the chance, please make duaa for me. ::) Wasalaam. |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| Siham |
| 12/01/05 at 19:14:49 |
| [quote author=Kathy link=board=sis;num=1133098225;start=0#9 date=11/30/05 at 08:56:53] Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.[/quote] Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder :D :D :D |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| readagain |
| 12/01/05 at 23:32:11 |
| [slm] I think marrying someone better looking than you is perfectly fine as long as he has true haya and lots of it (thats on top of imaan, and fear of Allah)..just my two cents. plus u shld always feel happy when u look at ur husband..and sometimes husbands make that really hard to do!! ::)..so if he is pleasing to eyes..than eh...atleast thats something. :P you are in my duas. Inshallah you ll marry a perfect gentleman who will treat you very nicely and you two will live happily ever after..ameen (the dua is serious) :-) |
| Re: Too good looking |
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| zawjatukashif |
| 12/03/05 at 10:29:17 |
| [slm] LOL too good looking? before marriage i didn't care about a guys look ... as long as he had the deen later on he was ok not bad not handsome but jus good looking ... after marriage and i prayed sooo much that he becomes comforting to my eyes... now he's changeing sooo much mashAllah *faints* |
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